Romancing A Future

Since the last two months have sped up exponentially I’m just now starting to realize how fast it really has all gone by.  I’m excited for future projects, but for the most part feel lost..maybe I really feel lost in translation.  I’m having a hard time translating the time I am in now with how I feel.  I think when we are younger we spend so much time romanticizing about success that we tend to forget how really there is no such thing as the perfect successful future.  I think achieving your dreams is a definite possibility for most people and I know a lot of people who work hard and find that special purpose.  For the last three years I have felt that I was on the right path, but now I’m not so sure.  I enjoy what I do and I enjoy coming up with new ideas that can help me grow as a person, but most of the time it feels empty.  Graduation felt empty.  My day to day errands feel empty.  Now I’m not saying that “empty” is a negative thing- It’s the kind of feeling that doesn’t elicit a response really.  I wake up every morning trying to feel something about anything, but really I go through the motions of making it each day.  I’m always on time and courteous of other people no matter how disappointed they seem.  I take one minute when I park my car every morning before work to look out at the skyline to watch the sun rise and warm the day and I tell myself that this is important.  That everything we do in our day to day is important because it takes up most of our life and it would just feel devastating if it all really meant nothing.  I guess the real feeling is deriving meaning from what you don’t find important and that is where the life lessons live.  For everyone everywhere they search and search for meaning and meaning by definition can mold itself to anything you need it to be.  As a kid sitting on your bed looking up at your day glow galaxy sticker ceiling you dream about a future that may or not have a foot in reality, but it doesn’t matter.  It just feels in a word “romantic”- an ever lasting dream perfectly held in time by your imagination.  As you travel the world it begins to take shape and the reality begins to cut away at it.  It is no longer perfect as you work through the people, relationships, and events of your everyday life.  It gets bruised and cracked as your emotions begin to grow and you open your eyes to the truth that unfolds in front of you.  You no longer feel the same way you did as a child staring on what felt like an endless sky, but instead your world feels smaller and even more closed.  This is not true for everyone as everyone has a view of their own reality, but its easy enough to see when you actually stop and pay attention.  The romantic dream no longer feels real, but instead feels just like it always was meant to- a dream.