It’s summer and the wind is lightly blowing outside as the temperature rises. I’m indoors looking at a blank screen not sure what to write. I’m currently thinking about the future. What it means to map out your life and try to follow it like a set of directions. I try not to imagine a distinct future because I ultimately don’t want to let myself down. I worry about the idea of “success” because I feel once you reach it that you have to create another set of goals. I’m not sure what comes after achieving a dream. Are you supposed to have an entire book of dreams or a single one? Each day is starting to feel the same, I see the same people and have the same conversations. It wouldn’t matter where I lived because each day plays out similarly. Is this why we have dreams in the first place? Without dreams does it feel you’re not going anywhere or is it all relative? We want to be on a path or otherwise we are deemed useless to society. My path feels crowded with other people moving in the same direction spouting the same dumb ideology about the importance of power and success (or is that excess). I’m free falling half of the time not understanding how much music plays an important part in drowning out the noise of my thoughts. It’s true that I over think everything to the point where it doesn’t matter to me anymore. I hear that the weather is Spain is nice this time of year and maybe that is the direction my life should head. It wouldn’t matter because it’s a dream and ultimately that makes it important. How conversational of me to find the meaning behind a thought process so natural and nonsensical. I don’t know why I have dreams, but I do and that makes the path so much more fulfilling, but if I didn’t have any dreams wouldn’t the path still be as interesting? Soon I will get to a point where the path doesn’t matter anymore and the dreams become irrelevant because such little time is left. The natural progression of life and feelings are almost overwrought with irony and sadness. A part of me can’t wait to get to that point where it doesn’t matter anymore and that I know that it never did.
