It has been a while since I’ve written anything. It has just been busy or maybe I don’t have anything meaningful to write. If you think about life and death and how it lingers in the back of our thoughts- you begin to wonder if each step you make has any real importance. Time is never on our sides as we strive for moments of happiness through the lull of everyday existence, but in moments of true stillness you feel yourself thinking. You think about everything that is important to you and all the things that may never make sense to you, but most of all you think about happiness. What will bring me true happiness? Does it matter? Is the reality I’m currently in the only thing that matters? All these questions may fill the void, but few have any resonance or solution. I can’t help but think about these things all the time.
It feels like the dreams we have tend to give us less meaning over time. Death is a very real notion, but it brings up complex feelings of doubt in the choices you have made through life. What is the most important part of life? Is it raising your children or loving your family? Does it have nothing to do with you? For me the aspects of life that have most meaning are are hard to define. When your proud of an accomplishment or when something unnervingly moves you to a point of pure distraction. Its these moments that build meaning. I can remember times such as when I was adopted that created a sense of belonging and love. Though the idea of being adopted quickly faded because I was just part of the family- these moments had meaning and gave me a sense of hope for feeling something about something. As vague as that may sound there are moments that play through our minds over and over again, whether they are positive or negative doesn’t matter because they create meaning. We all search for meaning and a way to express what we feel and I guess it’s the journey that matters the most. I recently heard of a friend that had passed away and thought about all the meaning they gave that they may never have been aware of and that life is sometimes cruel in that fact.
