What are your kids watching!

Okay this new feature to the blog examines exactly what kind of commercial pop-culture goo your kids are being fed.  So let’s get to reviewing!

Scooby Doo 2:  Monsters Unleashed

Scooby Doo where are you!

To call Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed an exercise in mind numbing excess and a pathetic attempt at anything original would be an understatement. This movie is horrible and it basically insults (with a slap in the face non the less) any five year old with an imagination. The movie is sloppy and sadly misses the chance to do something original and far less cartoony. The ninety minute slapstick feature offers nothing more than fart jokes and endless rollercoaster rides through lush sets. The special effects are so dominating that the entire thing might as of well have been a cartoon in the first place. The plot is irrelevant and so mumbled that I couldn’t stay with it, nor did I care to. There was pretty much just sight gags through the entire thing and so many juicy opportunities to have some sophisticated satirical humor were completely over looked. If Shrek can give a little to the parents and a little to the kids, why can’t Scooby Doo. The cartoon knew what it was doing and did it much, much better. The onslaught of excessive sets is distracting and even worse when we get a bunch of B-list actors trying to punch non existent material. The costumes are also nauseating as colorful pieces of garbage moving around the oh-so-groovy sets.

Our main cast is a little more than lackluster and even less credible this time around. The wrongly cast Freddie Prinze Jr. plays Fred, and boy does dumb ever seem like the perfect word. His funky hair from the first film is replaced by a Paris Hilton type bob, which makes Freddie look like a hopeless hap. The more credible Sarah Michelle Geller has no idea how to play Daphne, what she gives is the dumb red head routine- over and over. Sarah can do good work, but here is left with little to work with- including some of the worst dialogue I have heard from any kids movie.  Two of the more technically correct caricatures are from Mathew Lillard as Shaggy and Linda Cardellini as Velma. Mathew hits a home run playing the ever lovable pot head Shaggy and giving one of his better performances to date. What Mathew isn’t given is any character development and a lame subplot story line. Mathew is treated with zero respect by this script and even his stoner shtick runs thin quick. Linda does Velma well and even has the look and mannerisms down pat, but our nerd has to deal with a whack job romantic storyline. Linda has talent and its wasted to the ground, but Velma seems to be the only character that is “only” a little annoying rather than just plan disgusting. We also have CGI Scoob- who by all accounts should be shot old yeller style. He’s a pain to watch and sadly has little to do than fart and wreck other CGI crap. We are also thrown Peter Boyle and Alicia Silverstone (or aka where’s my career?) as a supporting cast worthy of late night infomercials.

I didn’t expect much going into this film, because the first one did mean box office. If something works you just do more of that same crap for the sequel. It seems that everyone was trying to make a good ole’ camp story, but they sadly failed making a lavish disappointment. When your sets and CGI basically kill your actors you know you don’t have a movie anymore- just an excuse to get a bigger paycheck. The movie could have been better and gave a few nods in everyone’s direction, plus when you have good material from the cartoon it’s a shame that you don’t work with it. You should never insult children, they’re smarter than Hollywood gives them credit for.

Final MovieFIX:

½ out of 5- A pathetic excuse for a sequel or a movie for that matter. Just a few tips: Freddie: take acting lessons, Sarah: stop doing “Buffy” as your only character, Mathew: you do pot head too well, Linda: remember what it was like being an actress?, and CGI Scoob: ask to be put out of your misery and see if Jar Jar is available for the third film.