I used to tweet for no reason other than to just use twitter, then I stopped.  Now I just use it  for my newsfeed.  I mean do regular ordinary people need to tweet?  I’m also kind of tired of reading what people are eating.  I mean…there are 100’s of people I follow and one them is a cat!  The most common thing I read is what people are eating.  Twitter is one of those applications that makes you forget exactly how removed we are from everything.  I rather be on my Ipod touch than have to talk to someone over the phone.  I don’t even remember the voices of some of my friends anymore because I just text them.  Its simple and you don’t have to worry about well, anything really- Updates, keep me informed.  Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, Blogging, Apps, Cell, – I’m surprised I even have time to read.  Though I kind of want to read on my “Kindle” right now if I had one.  Lately I’ve been thinking about live twittering one of my classes- It would be a great way to take notes and to keep up with those little nuggets of info you have to know for tests and such.  I mean it would be ridiculous to think that people live on twitter.  Can you have your entire thought process constantly constrained to 160 characters or less?   I’m sure someone out there has just to say they have.  I don’t know…I’m in an anti technology mood even as I type this. LOL.  Maybe I will give twitter another chance.  Why do you tweet? or Why do you not tweet?  

Pieces of April

Picking up the Pieces…..

Pieces of April sometimes feels more like a glimpse into one girls day than an actual movie. Writer/Director Peter Hedges makes a warm sarcastic comedy about one girl making Thanksgiving dinner for her family. The premise is simple, but the execution is exquisite in the way that independent digital features are. The movie suffers from a really horrible transfer that gives it a handheld documentary feel, but it also lends itself to seem more real. The lower east side photographed by Tami Reiker feels gritty and washed in jagged lighting with dull rendered colors. For its realism something refreshing comes from its sitcom’ish plot.

The Burns family sets out to for a Thanksgiving dinner at April’s run down crummy apartment. Her mother knowing that this will be a failure goes anyway because she is dying and needs to settle something with April. It’s very important that April and her mother have this closure, so the father- Jim makes every effort possible to make this a good experience. The remarkably talented Patricia Clarkson takes the reign on this indie feature giving a performance that is heart wrenchingly deep and real. Clarkson plays Joy Burns a mother suffering from cancer and living her days at home with her husband and two kids. The family treats Joy like some kind of puppy, speaking to her quietly and suffering her with to much empathy. Joy has a sarcastic wit about her and makes her imposing death feel like an everyday burden. This women has no time for public politeness and nauseating small talk. Patricia is an indie favorite giving powerful performances in little known films, but here she completely outshines the cast and even the script, which never seems to meet her at the same standard of excellence. Joy has a bratty daughter played by new comer Alison Pill. Unlike “Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen” , Alison shows real potential on screen. Her Tracy-Flick like character is a complete windbag goody girl only wanting to be liked by her mother. She suffocates her mother and at the same time the movie. Alison shows depth as Beth Burns in scenes that don’t ask her to be a pain in the rear, sadly those are to far in between. Joy also has a son played by the excellent John Gallagher. John doesn’t have much to do on screen, except a few road show antics, but the character of Timmy Burns comes off the exact pot head that he’s supposed to.

Playing the family dad is an impressive if not boorish Oliver Platt. There isn’t much really to work with playing Jim Burns, but Platt gives the material his best shot. Some scenes are touching, but most are tedious and at times to self contrived. For some reason the cooky Grandma Dottie is dragged along for the ride doing nothing more than looking out a car window. I bet the actress Alice Drummond was wondering why she even was in this movie or maybe she didn’t even know she was in a movie.

So, all the family is driving to the big bad city for April and April is at home trying to prepare an unforgettable meal. Watching April try to put a decent meal together is like watching a blind man driving- things just keep going wrong. April is played by the innocent Katie Holmes (ie before Tom Cruise). As April, Katie gives a sweet sheep dog performance and completely smoothes any rough edges April is supposed to have. Even dressed like an Elvira impersonator she still has that twinkling Dawson’s Creek presence about her. She’s actually too cute to play April, but Katie tries her best. The performance is endearing, but maybe too much so for a movie like this. April’s boyfriend is played with genuine nice guy attitude by Derek Luke. As Bobby, Derek has an almost too cool presence for this movie and really makes another great choice from his career changing role in Denzel Washington’s Antwon Fisher.

When Bobby leaves the house to run some errands for a very unnecessary side plot, April is left to cook the bird. Watching Katie try to cook the meal is the funniest thing in the movie, but I did worry if the family was going to die of food poisoning. When she finds that her oven is not working she goes door to door to see if someone will let her cook her bird. Of course she meets wacky people in her building, but none are endearing or memorable. Sean Hayes from Will and Grace shows up to only damper the script even more and make the movie feel like a fetish stalker picture. While Katie tries to hold up the movie, there are some scenes of true comic timing and incredible wit. For this, Katie shows that she could be the next hot indie chick and even a great actress (editors note: spoke way too soon!)

The movie is nice and really heart warming towards its final scenes, but it brings nothing to the genre and there is only a spark of genuine perfection. Peter doesn’t give the script the same time and originality that he gave his masterful “What’s eating Gilbert Grape”, but he does show why he is an indie standout. This movie really belongs to the superb Patricia who steals the movie from its own story and really makes it about one mothers journey. In my opinion there could have been a far superior movie there, but for now this sweet tale will do.

Final MovieFIX:

***1/2 out of 5. 70% Recommended. Thanksgiving never looked more like a task for nuclear scientist, but Patricia steals the picture and gives the performance of a lifetime. Katie sheds her good girl image to only look like a good girl bubbly punk goth.

I really want to go to Full Sail because it could mean getting all that experience you need to work with high tech equipment that you need to know for the film world.  I like the idea that its only two years until graduation- though its insanely rigorous.  I have a friend who is in the animation and graphics department and He says he couldn’t remember the last time he wasn’t working or creating.  This all sounds great, but is the nifty $75,000 price tag worth it? I’m not sure.  I want to produce and be in charge of a project and the like, but alas I can’t figure out how you become a producer of “content” – like the producer of a morning talk show or a producer of a media graphics lab or something.  I like the glitzy showy website that Full Sail has, I love the department that FSU has.  Do I really want to go to Florida or is there something else out there? (cue country song by Reba McEntire)  There is also this highly recommended film school in North Carolina with full shooting back lot and intense apprenticeship.  I think its funny that we go to school and take step 1, 2, 3 and there is still no real guarantee where in the world you will end up.  It is all very “Up in the Air” (golden globes tomorrow!).  My ultimate dream is to live on that island where the wild things are and just call it a day, but sense that is impossible I have to find a perfectly adequate substitute.  I just don’t know what that is yet.  

So I finally had the chance to see the new media building at my school which used to be an old TV station that had an overhaul of sorts.  While the new design looks good and there are plenty of loose ends to tie up- The radio station still looks unpacked. I found myself thinking why there wasn’t any love for the new building and the ongoing revamp of the curriculum.  I mean when I logged onto the schools website there is nothing saying Hey look at the new equipment available for media technology students! (I think a year ago the major was supposed to be changed to Mass Communication… still waiting).  We have brand new editing bays, three recording studios, and nice new Mac computers.  I think the gargantuan Health care building got a lot more attention and love.  As a new student I would love to know what is available for me and now that the building is officially open- I’ve heard crickets. Crickets!  I know the program will continue to evolve and sooner or later it will get the respect it deserves, but not even a little sign on campus directing students to the “New” building is kind of sad. 

On a side note…I see my professors are going to have a lot of fun with the whole duel screen technology thing. LOL.

Many of last night’s Critics’ Choice award winners were expected (well done, Christoph Waltz and Mo’Nique!), but the night did offer a few surprises.  Though the Critics’ Choice awards tend to air on the same channel that brings you for the love of Ray J there are small possible moments that could mean Oscar gold come February. 

WINNERS

The Hurt Locker The Broadcast Film Critics Association often goes for the little guy over the Oscar frontrunner (L.A. Confidential over Titanic, Fargo over The English Patient, Sideways over Million Dollar Baby), but the indie drama’s Best Picture and Best Director wins proved it can hold its own against Avatar.

Sandra Bullock The Blind Side star soared past Carey Mulligan and Gabourey Sidibe to tie with Meryl Streep for Best Actress. Never a bad thing to be mentioned in the same breath as Streep.

Inglourious Basterds Three big wins (compared to one each for Precious and Up in the Air) cement its status as a real player this season.

LOSERS

Nine It went into the night with the most nominations (ten) and went home empty-handed. Ouch.

Up in the Air Best Adapted Screenplay was well deserved. But if this film wants to contend with the likes of Avatar and The Hurt Locker, it’s going to have to score more than one win at the Globes.

TOSS-UP

Avatar It went 6 for 9, all but sweeping the big technical prizes. But it couldn’t close the deal on the two biggest categories of the night. Is it just because critics were voting, or will it have similar problems for the rest of the season?

Here is the complete list of winners:

Best Picture The Hurt Locker
Best Director Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker
Best Original Screenplay Quentin Tarantino, Inglourious Basterds
Best Adapted Screenplay Jason Reitman & Sheldon Turner, Up in the Air
Best Acting Ensemble Inglourious Basterds
Best Actor Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart
Best Actress (tie) Meryl Streep, Julie & Julia; Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side
Best Supporting Actor Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds
Best Supporting Actress Mo’Nique, Precious
Best Young Actress Saoirse Ronan, The Lovely Bones
Best Documentary The Cove
Best Foreign Language Film Broken Embraces
Best Animated Movie Up
Best Comedy Movie The Hangover
Best Score Michael Giacchino, Up
Best Song “The Weary Kind,” Crazy Heart
Best Costume Design The Young Victoria
Best Make-Up District 9
Best Action Movie Avatar
Best Cinematography Avatar
Best Visual Effects Avatar
Best Art Direction Avatar
Best Editing Avatar
Best Sound Avatar

As part of the media club it’s only right to help promote the work of other students and we have a great on-line series by Joda Thongnopnua and Ryan Hixson.  The following is broadcast: episode 1 and check out http://www.broadcastheseries.com/ for further episodes.

 

Broadcast: Episode 1 from Broadcast The Series on Vimeo.

Alien VS. Predator

Aliens rule! Predators drool!

This movie has characters, but you don’t care- This movie has a some what coherent plot, but you don’t care. What this movie has is two kick ass Aliens battling it out- “Celebrity Boxing” style. The infamous Predator going head to head with the slime machine acidic blood Alien- It’s beautiful, much like water ballet for horror movies.

The Alien is the favorite to win in this god amongst beast’s picture. Predator has fancy weapons, but he just looks like a reworked Robocop on steroids. Of course Alien is classic Alien, with his big dome head and person like body with tail. It’s all very kick Jim Henson in a blender- the movie has a premise of some sort, but that just ruins the good battles. To be more precise (as if it mattered with a creature feature like this) There are three Predators sent to earth to do battle with a swarm of Aliens- It’s like a big training ground, the Olympics of disgusting Alien species. The Predators either kick major slimy butt and become warriors or get killed in various brutal ways. The Alien is the perfect form of Indie horror monster and your worst nightmare- Watching their slobbery mouth shoot out that killer tongue is amusing. The Aliens are breed to be the game in this hunt. They run around in this huge Mayan/Egyptian/Aztec temple and go rounds with the newbie Predators- It’s tradition or something- while the elder predators watch with amazement and glee.

Somewhere in the story comes along some humans to be the hosts to the Alien babies. It’s all perfectly mapped out; sadly the humans are so bland and undeveloped that you forget that there supposed to be more than target practice. We have an unknown babe- Sanaa Lathan, trying to do her best “women rule!” character. She is just a hard ass kicker and her relationship is formed with a Predator (you knew there had to be some animal magnetism) luckily were spared the Human/ Alien sex scene. There are also a bunch of other rejects that form the movies hard team or as I like to call them “bait.”- They all die so fast that none of them become anything real. Lance Henriksen shows up and still looks like the cyborg he played in the original Aliens, though he does carry a few more wrinkles.

The magical temple is underneath the ice somewhere in Antarctica where satellites so happen to pick up heat singles. Heat coming form Antarctica? Why, that must attract humans! The plot is so idiotic that you stay with it to see some sweet alien-ation bashing. The movie plays like a big ole video game and even the bad dialogue comes along for the ride. When our pesky humans go inside the temple of doom they are met by odd looking statues and writings. It’s not very interesting, but two archeologist dudes are able to amazingly uncover the sayings in like an hour- okay follow this- Predators came to earth billions of years ago and taught us humans how to build, in return we worshiped them. In a stupid sacrifice we would let those face sucking pods attach to our face and bust out an alien (We were willing, hell, even privileged). One fight too many and the Predators lose, so the elder Predators blowup the entire planet. So it’s up to our crack team to make sure the Predator wins- though they enjoy killing us at will.

The first battle is awesome- they go all out with matrix type moves and total thrashing. They slam into walls and roll around beating the daylights out of each other. Alien has the advantage here with the acidic blood and killer tail. - Seriously that tail is a deadly weapon. Predator is smarter- yeah right, they’re like giant tin cans. Miss Sannaa becomes friends with the smart Predator and they are all buddy-buddy. It’s a ridicules setup but somehow it works in a creepy way. When the Predator makes her a warrior costume using the Alien head as a shield the tail as a spear, you know the movie went off the deep end. Things never seem right- neither does the dialogue. Why on earth would anyone talk to an Alien like it could understand us- “Why did you do that?” screams Sanaa, huh, stupid. He doesn’t reply which isn’t shocking or really that credible. In the middle of the movie and the killing sprees the last two surviving humans take time to tell us a history lesson- forget that the Predator is lurking next door and wanting blood. Other uninspired remarks make their way into the script which was poorly written and conceived by Paul W.S. Anderson (Resident Evil folks, thats all I have to say). I just hope that he didn’t come up with nifty AVP (Alien versus Predator? Duh) promo this movie is running under. The movie is shot in plain okay fashion- nothing cool here- though slow motion has become a new favorite among film makers.

The temple is credible and props go to the production team for almost pulling one off. Special effects could have been better, but they do fit the material and it’s not the worst I’ve seen. Though I should point out that the temple looks so freaking CG that it sucks. Antarctica looks pretty, but doesn’t it always this time of year? What really matters in this movie is the battles between bad and ugly- we get super toss around action and plenty of acidic blood. Predator loses big time, but give me a break, Aliens are like- super freaky. Just see what they do to their gigantic mama, she screams and goes bizerk. Though it’s understandable after giving birth to a dozen or so Aliens, I have to say that yes I’m partial to the Aliens- I just love them. They get down to business and they know exactly how to kick butt- it’s all aggressive and in your face. The movie sucks and the plot goes nowhere, but you don’t watch this movie for a great story- you watch it to see major ass kick’en. It’s not great by any means and it could have been a much better concept- with constant re-working. But I should add that where else are going to see a girl running in a frozen grave yard of giant whale bones being chased by a six story queen Alien? Exactly. The movie is all about pay back and I for one will always be in the Aliens corner. The movie also leaves the worst- please give me a sequel ending. The heroic Predator that dies has a baby alien shoot out of its chest and screams into the camera, really the only way to end the movie and this review.

Editors Note: Reality bites because there was a sequel to love!

Final MovieFix:  * out of 5.  20% Recommended. 

Okay so the art deco original button for the blog is gone.  I decided to update the button and give it some style.  So here is the original:

It was always a little hard to read, but it fit the original blog layout a lot better.  So here is the brand new button featuring robot man that you can stick on your myspace, blog, website or whatever.  I would really appreciate it and thank you!

New Button:

So here is the spring schedule for 2010.  Honestly I’m a little sad that there are no “production” type classes on this list.  I really wish I could take TV production again, that class was insanely fun! Yeah, well, as much as a college course can be.

Media Management- I have no idea really what I’m going to learn here, so that’s kind of exciting, but I feel like this class is going to be a ton of reading.  Reading Fail!

Public Relations-  As long as I never had a client like Tiger Woods, then I would be most pleased working in public relations.  I always wanted to do public relations for the AOL Time Warner debacle “merger” a few years ago.  I know..it was total suicide!

Media Writing II-  Ah, yes how I love me some media writing.  I’m more of a free flowing writer (AKA I don’t believe in proper grammar, cough, cough) than say a news writer, but at least this class is interesting.  I got an A in Media Writing I, so you know.

Javascript for Designers- Well, since I’ve taken Website Design- I thought I would give a whirl to Javascript formatting.  I do love internet design so it should be fun. 

Okay so over at jtomeny's Blog he is running this contest to turn your life into a movie poster with title, quotes, pics and you know the norm.  This is my submission for the contest and if it makes the top 10 then it can be voted on to win.  Well, please follow the link to make your own poster or just vote for mine next month! I will post how I’m doing, so maybe it won’t be such a sad loss. LOL. I kid, I kid.  Hope you like it.  I really think this poster is me, you know- sometimes foggy thinker, but always willing to see what life can throw at me.  I’m happy and very lucky to live a life that I can make my own.  Okay so my movie is…”Dreamer”

The Pitch: A heartbroken guy (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) relives all the highs and lows of his relationship with the girl of his dreams (Zooey Deschanel).

What It Really Is: A brilliantly constructed and deeply touching comedy that encapsulates what it's like to be the more committed person in a relationship. It's a bittersweet When Harry Met Sally for people under 30. The performances by Levitt and Deschanel are 100-percent genuine and Director Marc Webb avoids hipster clichés to keep it natural and timeless.

Why watch It?:  In the vein of independently cutesy film titles that scream “Look at me, I’m indy and progressive”- 500 Days takes it to another level shooting a romance out of sequence and thoughtfully reminiscent of how love goes wrong.  It feels like your watching someone's real relationship the way they remembered, both the good and bad.  It also delves into how someone can see a relationship completely different from how it actually happened. 

MovieFIX:  ****1/2 out of 5. Possibly the most romantic / least romantic movie you will see this year.  Beautifully acted and lovingly filmed. 

 

Check out the short film that my friend Steph acted in last year in NYC:  The voice over is really good.

Its almost astonishing how the world revolves around so much sadness.  To evoke a dream in someone is almost placid in its result.  I feel, like I have talked to so many people everyday trying to explain their dreams to me and how they are getting their lives together.  I wonder in its perplexities, how life ever mirrors true devotion to an idea.  Its almost like we are just constant ideas that search for meaning.  I want meaning in my life, but I worry about the depths at which we live...the day to day routine that picks us up each morning.  It's not in any way for me gratifying.

So, life feels lost.  Dreams feel vulnerable because the big idea feels so far fetched.  Its scary, because one wonders why we go through it.  Why do people constantly talk to stay connected where getting the emotional "High" is so important?  I'm doing this and this and trying to achieve this...that's what it all means.  The pleasure from the small things, the way people try to differentiate themselves with being "creative"- Its all almost deafening- because it just feels like constant white noise spiraling around.  People talking...just talking.  The higher points in life seem punctuated with the feeling that this isn't substantial enough to last and there must be more.

There must always be more....why?  Its an illusion in its own right, because the white noise spills around from person to person and all we do is talk and infiltrate ideas between persons.  I'm not convinced that it all makes sense, because the talking never feels sincere in its execution and maybe the themes in life seem to large to ever fathom, but what's the point when it already feels like an emotionless pit of self-craving attention.

-For Salvador Dali

I think that film posters are a forgotten art form that has fallen by the waste side thanks to hyper edited trailers and annoying internet banners.  So, each week I’ve decided to introduce some of my favorite Poster designs.  So many just happen to correlate with my favorite movies, but that is purely coincidental. lol.

  

Clockwork Orange

Released: February 2, 1972

Tag Line: Being the adventures of a young man ... who couldn't resist pretty girls ... or a bit of the old ultra-violence ... went to jail, was re-conditioned ... and came out a different young man ... or was he ?

PosterFIX:  This poster really captures the darkness of Alex and the simple block lettering above the artwork is simply too vague to not be interesting.  Overall this is a simple, but strong design.  This poster was designed by Philip Castle. 

 

 

Bed time stories your parents never read you!

So what's the deal with Disney hijacking fairy tales and making them extra sappy, from what I've read they were pretty nasty stories better for watching with the lights on than singing along with dancing animated animals.  Here are a few of my favorite stranger than ever bed time stories!!!

1. Cinderella

Don't break out your violins for this chick just yet. All that cruelty poor Cinderella endured at the hands of her overbearing stepmother might have been well deserved. In the oldest versions of the story, the slightly more sinister Cinderella actually kills her first stepmother so her father will marry the housekeeper instead. Guess she wasn't banking on the housekeeper's six daughters moving in or that never-ending chore list.

2. Sleeping Beauty

In the original version of the tale, it's not the kiss of a handsome prince that wakes Sleeping Beauty, but the nudging of her newborn twins. That's right. While unconscious, the princess is impregnated by a monarch and wakes up to find out she's a mom twice over. Then, in true Jerry Springer form, Sleeping Beauty's "baby's daddy" triumphantly returns and promises to send for her and the kids later, conveniently forgetting to mention that he's married. When the trio is eventually brought to the palace, his wife tries to kill them all, but is thwarted by the king. In the end, Sleeping Beauty gets to marry the guy who violated her, and they all live happily ever after.

3. Snow White

At the end of the original German version penned by the brothers Grimm, the wicked queen is fatally punished for trying to kill Snow White. It's the method she is punished by that is so strange – she is made to dance wearing a pair of red-hot iron shoes until she falls over dead.

4. The Little Mermaid

You're likely familiar with the Disney version of the Little Mermaid story, in which Ariel and her crab friend, Sebastian, overcome the wicked sea witch, and Ariel swims off to marry the man of her dreams. In Hans Christian Andersen's original tale, however, the title character can only come on land to be with the handsome prince if she drinks a potion that makes it feel like she is walking on knives at all times. She does, and you would expect her selfless act to end with the two of them getting married. Nope. The prince marries a different woman, and the Little Mermaid throws herself into the sea, where her body dissolves into sea foam.

Now here are four more fairy tales you might not be familiar with, but you might have trouble forgetting.

 

1. The King Who Wished to Marry His Daughter

What It's Like: Cinderella, with an incestuous twist

The King's wife dies and he swears he will never marry again unless he finds a woman who fits perfectly into his dead Queen's clothes. Guess what? His daughter does! So he insists on marrying her. uh....what? Understandably, she has a problem with this and tries to figure out how to avoid wedding dear old dad. She says she won't marry him until she gets a trunk that locks from outside and inside and can travel over land and sea. He gets it, but she says she has to make sure the chest works. To prove it, he locks her inside and floats her in the sea. Her plan works: she just keeps floating until she reaches another shore. So she escapes marrying her dad, but ends up working as a scullery maid in another land… from here you can follow the Cinderella story. She meets a prince, leaves her shoe behind, he goes around trying to see who it belongs to. The End.

2. The Lost Childen

What It's Like: Hansel & Gretel meets Saw 2

This French fairy tale starts out just like Hansel & Gretel. A brother and sister get lost in the woods and find themselves trapped in cages, getting plumped up to be eaten. Only it's not a wicked witch, it's the Devil and his wife. The Devil makes a sawhorse for the little boy to bleed to death on (seriously!) and then goes for a walk, telling the girl to get her brother situated on the sawhorse before he returned. The siblings pretend to be confused and ask the Devil's wife to demonstrate how the boy should lay on the sawhorse; when she shows them they tie her to it and slit her throat. They steal all of the Devil's money and escape in his carriage. He chases after them once he discovers what they've done, but he dies in the process. Yikes.

3. The Juniper Tree

What It's Like: Every stepchild's worst nightmare

Cannibalism, murder, decapitation… freakiness abounds left and right in this weird Grimm story. A widower gets remarried, but the second wife loathes the son he had with his first wife because she wants her daughter to inherit the family riches. So she offers the little boy an apple from inside a chest. When he leans over to get it, she slams the lid down on him and chops his head off. Note: if you're trying to convince your child to eat more fruits and veggies, do not tell them this story. Well, the woman doesn't want anyone to know that she killed the boy, so she puts his head back on and wraps a handkerchief around his neck to hide the fact that it's no longer attached. Her daughter ends up knocking his head off and getting blamed for his death. To hide what happened, they chop up the body and make him into pudding, which they feed to his poor father. Eventually the boy is reincarnated as a bird and he drops a stone on his stepmother's head, which kills her and brings him back to life.

4. Penta of the Chopped-off Hands

What It's Like: Um…you tell us

These old fairy tales sure do enjoy a healthy dose of incest. In this Italian tale, the king's wife dies and he falls in love with Penta… his sister. She tries to make him fall out of love with her by chopping off her hands. The king is pretty upset by this; he has her locked in a chest and thrown out to sea. A fisherman tries to save her, but Penta is so beautiful that his jealous wife has her thrown back out to sea. Luckily, Penta is rescued by a king (who isn't her brother). They get married and have a baby, but the baby is born while the king is away at sea. Penta tries to send the king the good news of the baby, but the jealous fisherman's wife intercepts the message and changes it to say that Penta gave birth to a puppy. A puppy?! The evil wife then constructs another fake message, this time from the king to his servants, and says that Penta and her baby should be burned alive. OK, long story short: the king figures out what the jealous wife is up to and has her burned. Penta and the king live happily ever after. I can't really figure out what the moral of this tale is. Chopping hands off? Giving birth to a dog? I just don't get it. Help me out here, people.

Okay this new feature to the blog examines exactly what kind of commercial pop-culture goo your kids are being fed.  So let’s get to reviewing!

Scooby Doo 2:  Monsters Unleashed

Scooby Doo where are you!

To call Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed an exercise in mind numbing excess and a pathetic attempt at anything original would be an understatement. This movie is horrible and it basically insults (with a slap in the face non the less) any five year old with an imagination. The movie is sloppy and sadly misses the chance to do something original and far less cartoony. The ninety minute slapstick feature offers nothing more than fart jokes and endless rollercoaster rides through lush sets. The special effects are so dominating that the entire thing might as of well have been a cartoon in the first place. The plot is irrelevant and so mumbled that I couldn’t stay with it, nor did I care to. There was pretty much just sight gags through the entire thing and so many juicy opportunities to have some sophisticated satirical humor were completely over looked. If Shrek can give a little to the parents and a little to the kids, why can’t Scooby Doo. The cartoon knew what it was doing and did it much, much better. The onslaught of excessive sets is distracting and even worse when we get a bunch of B-list actors trying to punch non existent material. The costumes are also nauseating as colorful pieces of garbage moving around the oh-so-groovy sets.

Our main cast is a little more than lackluster and even less credible this time around. The wrongly cast Freddie Prinze Jr. plays Fred, and boy does dumb ever seem like the perfect word. His funky hair from the first film is replaced by a Paris Hilton type bob, which makes Freddie look like a hopeless hap. The more credible Sarah Michelle Geller has no idea how to play Daphne, what she gives is the dumb red head routine- over and over. Sarah can do good work, but here is left with little to work with- including some of the worst dialogue I have heard from any kids movie.  Two of the more technically correct caricatures are from Mathew Lillard as Shaggy and Linda Cardellini as Velma. Mathew hits a home run playing the ever lovable pot head Shaggy and giving one of his better performances to date. What Mathew isn’t given is any character development and a lame subplot story line. Mathew is treated with zero respect by this script and even his stoner shtick runs thin quick. Linda does Velma well and even has the look and mannerisms down pat, but our nerd has to deal with a whack job romantic storyline. Linda has talent and its wasted to the ground, but Velma seems to be the only character that is “only” a little annoying rather than just plan disgusting. We also have CGI Scoob- who by all accounts should be shot old yeller style. He’s a pain to watch and sadly has little to do than fart and wreck other CGI crap. We are also thrown Peter Boyle and Alicia Silverstone (or aka where’s my career?) as a supporting cast worthy of late night infomercials.

I didn’t expect much going into this film, because the first one did mean box office. If something works you just do more of that same crap for the sequel. It seems that everyone was trying to make a good ole’ camp story, but they sadly failed making a lavish disappointment. When your sets and CGI basically kill your actors you know you don’t have a movie anymore- just an excuse to get a bigger paycheck. The movie could have been better and gave a few nods in everyone’s direction, plus when you have good material from the cartoon it’s a shame that you don’t work with it. You should never insult children, they’re smarter than Hollywood gives them credit for.

Final MovieFIX:

½ out of 5- A pathetic excuse for a sequel or a movie for that matter. Just a few tips: Freddie: take acting lessons, Sarah: stop doing “Buffy” as your only character, Mathew: you do pot head too well, Linda: remember what it was like being an actress?, and CGI Scoob: ask to be put out of your misery and see if Jar Jar is available for the third film.

I awoke today to see that life had changed who I am.  I wondered what to make of the dreamscapes in my mind.  I felt fulfilled for once on this very long journey of self discovery.  The day had grown me weary and full of fanciful thoughts of power and greed.  The light had never seemed so pure in the morning hours.  Yes, I awoke today to see that life had changed me.  I was unaware that I had fallen asleep for years and didn't understand how days, weeks, and months flew by with no end in sight.  It had never entered my mind that I could be strong and full of truth.  I felt tired for many days looking into the sun.  I felt tired for so many days letting myself down.  It had been a life long dream of mine to go to far reaching places that I dare not venture before.  I remembered my life passing by so quickly dark and steadily.  Trying to forget what was ahead of me made me wish for everything and nothing for always and for now.  That was not the case today when I awoke for the first time to see a life ahead of me.

-Me.

My top twenty movies of everything that came out this decade! I’ve seen a lot of movies (some I can’t remember) and a lot of time wasters, but some of the best stuff has really captured moments for me as well.  There is still a bunch to see and I’m sure I’ve missed out on some great one’s too, but here is the top 20 of the last 10 years:

Honorable Mention:  Juno, Children of Men, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,  Elizabeth, Crash, A History of Violence,  The Royal Tenenbaums,  No Country for Old Men, Monsters Ball, The Hours, Minority Report, House of Sand and Fog,  Spirited Away, I love you man, Elephant,  Bad Education,  The good girl,  Saving Private Ryan, Primer, Benjamin Button, Grand Torino.

20.  The Cell-  Captured in a surrealist world the dreamscapes created by The Cell are undeniable in their originality, even if the story is mid-brow level suspense and Jennifer Lopez didn’t have to do much “acting”. 

19.  Primer-  Though there are plot holes he size of Kansas the movie is mesmerizing and thought provoking geek science time travel at its best.

18.  Moulin Rouge!-  The musical with ADD, where song and dance creates mind boggling excess in spectacle.  Even if it is really historically inaccurate it still packs a punch of originality.

17.  (500) Days of Summer- A romantic comedy anyone can believe in and knowing that all sweet things are always bittersweet.

16.  Wall-E-  The adorable cartoon with so much heart and love that it will suck you in every time.  It did greatly suffer once the awfully “bland” humans stepped into the picture.

15.  Passion of the Christ- Unflinching in it’s depiction of brutality only begins to scratch the surface of this masterpiece about faith, love, and humanity. 

14.  American Psycho- Wickedly dark to the point of no return and immensely distasteful, but pop music has never been better used as a soundtrack for chillingly horrific murder.      

13.  Kill Bill: Volume 1-  Schlocky martial arts in the vein of all movie pop-icon allegories from the 70’s makes Kill Bill mesmerizing. The 2nd volume suffered greatly from too much talk and a lot less action, but vol. 1 gave a sense of pure joyful mainstream mayhem. 

12.  Vanilla Sky-  The twisting time formula and the immense dense plot only help bring it together in the last ten minutes.  The fleeting clips of various movies at the end create a feeling of nostalgia as the future is unknown.

11.  Howl’s Moving Castle-  A life of magic, wonder, and bliss thoughtfully brought out by Hayao Miyazaki's elegant animation.  Though his masterful “Spirited Away” had a more adult plot this moving castle is pure childhood dreams.

10.  Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon-  Wonderfully suspended battles create a sense of poetry in motion.  Though the movie is responsible for “Wire Fu” there are only imitators compared to this originator.  

9.  Pan’s Labyrinth-  When a director like Guillermo Del Toro finds his vision and makes a movie about war in his country the possibility for greatness is already there.  Surreal in the best way and childhood fears treated with adult maturity. 

8.  Dark Knight-  The best “Batman” movie since Batman Returns and a chillingly dark turn for the cap crusader.  Though the Joker was just left hanging at the end, the 145 minutes that preceded were genius.   

7.  Volver-  In pure Pedro Almodóvar form the movie Volver is never what you think it is.  It’s a movie that holds its true telenovela roots close and creates a world where Penelope Cruz is considered ordinary looking. 

6.  Y Tu Mama Tambien-  Alfonso Curan’s opus about a teenage road trip to self discovery plays with the ideas of who we are and what we represent.  His lens doesn’t just shoot Mexico, but traps in a time and place perfectly. 

5.  Donnie Darko-  The movie is mind bending time travel fun and Frank the bunny is no body’s friend, but Donnie Darko represents so much more about childhood loneliness and feelings of self worth. 

4.  Amelie-  Enticingly cutesy and much like a cartoon so vivid and fun.  Audrey Tautou is beautiful and neurotic and just a wonder to be seen. 

3.  There Will Be Blood-  I have always been a huge fan of Upton Sinclair’s novels and the beautifully dark “There Will Be Blood” is a perfect movie adaptation only enhanced by it’s musical score. 

2.  A.I.-  When Stanley Kubrick asked Stephen Spielberg to direct his grand vision of the future he was maybe asking too much, but this is a gorgeous film that asks important questions about humanity and how fragile life can be.  Overly ambitious? Maybe, but it’s worth the ride. 

1. Requiem for a Dream-  Disturbingly dark and an effective “don’t use drugs, kids!” PSA, Requiem is substantial movie making by Darren Aronofsky.  Both hauntingly beautiful and every bit scary of the power some things have over us.