The Walking Dead

While vampires might be the new zombies, the undead have an upper hand in this intensely plotted and well scripted series from creator Frank Darabont. The Walking Dead takes its history from a comic book of the same name based on a series of survivors who try to find unity in the wake of a zombie take over. While the show has been uneven in tone and direction with its six episode first season there are some extremely fine moments that bring this from mediocre gore fest to a higher art. I must say the pilot of the series is by far one of the most well written and taught scripts this side of Mad Men. Its incredibly well conceived bringing so much attention to detail and neurosis that it almost single handily brings up the zombie brand from straight to DVD fare to psychological thriller. Having almost movie like cinematography helps establish hauntingly realistic cinematic moments where the camera expands to show true horror in a way that most shows are no where close to replicating. The scene where police officer Rick rides into Atlanta on horseback with rifle in tow is both poetic and daunting. The transfer to HD is beautifully realized and shades of deep amber fill most scenes with low light giving a very natural feel. Though I feel that many characters are clumsily introduced the main story arch of Rick finding his wife and son is well written and thoroughly thought out. Andrew Lincoln brings a strong presence to the screen as Rick giving him an almost heroic glow every time hes on screen, making even the most trite scenes relate-able. Rick's friend Shane (Jon Bernthal) and wife Lori (Sarah Callies) help bring some nice dramatic overtones to their parts. While the zombies may not be terrifying they are nicely gory and perfectly haunting. Overall the FX are nicely not over powering and the sound mixing isn't grating while being extremely ambient. The main problem with the Walking Dead is its uneven tone through out episodes that go from gory zombie chases, to implausible broadly drawn characters, to deaths that don't render much feeling beyond the “Who were they?”. At this point none of the survival camp characters register much emotional depth even though they get well crafted back stories. The quality fell sharply after the pilot, but there have been nice moments that rise the series beyond monster bash TV. The season final was actually interesting though not doing much to move the series forward. In order for The Walking dead to reach a higher level of sustained greatness as a drama series it must round out extra characters, bring balance to the type of show it wants to be, and try to refocus the feeling of the series back to the pilot. It is still by far one of the better shows on TV and hopefully the 2^nd season will just expand on an already winning premise.

8 out of 10: Frank Darabont revives the dead

In the world of “The Road” the devastation left from a society that is long forgotten haunts every corner of this picture. John Hillcoat has built an arresting vision of a moral society turned upside down in what appears to have been some lost forlorn apocalyptic meltdown. In its own grotesque way it’s very beautiful as our world is rendered cold and dark in what appears to be ever falling ash. A man and his son must traverse at length a gauntlet of dismal human remains from invaded homes to dying woods. Trees topple to the ground in remarkable scenes of decay and surrender. It is the type of movie that shows how quick life could go from mundane over indulgence to animal baron landscapes. Viggo Mortensen plays the nameless father as a type of human symbol for both the world left behind and this new diminishing horror realm. It’s a beautifully underrated performance that shows depth and strength while not forgetting how horrors don’t always create melancholy. A few times the movie shows his smile as a sort of nod to our basic instincts to always try to find a future if at all possible. The movie is relentless in its brutality and realistically depicts how people can all of a sudden become mass cannibals when all options are gone. It is an intriguing concept though painfully subversive in its almost fetish like look at blood and all things death. Charlize Theron has a small, but memorable role as the mother. She exudes this very calm natural state of realization and that helps ground this script which at times can be incredibly demanding of a viewers attention. It asks the question of why survive when there is nothing to hope for. When the entire reason for living is no longer a contemplative philosophic self-realization you are left numb, but not dead. Wandering to find nothing feels realistically commonplace. When does it no longer matter? The agony of every character in the road masquerades as a sort of entertainment. It is unnerving how much comfort you will find in the isolation. Shot in dark grays and sullen tones of amber the movie has a lot of “look”, but at times falls a bit flat. The cinematography nicely balances out some natural light tones and the sequence of falling trees is as exciting as any large budget movie. The Road is not for everyone and at times it gets incredibly dismal, but for the hope of humanity as a whole it ends in a sort of, kind of light note.

7 out of 10: Desperately searching for something that isn’t there is as profound as it sounds.

Regrettably sometimes our dreams feel shattered.  Broken upon the shore of our hopes and most important thoughts.  It isn’t always fair, but life has always been taught to us as being unfair.  You can’t understand it, but you must accept it.  It was on this day…this day when I felt so low that I realized that nothing and everything only matter within the scope of who you are in any given moment.  You can be nothing and everything all at once and have that dream surround your entire existence, but when does it not matter anymore?  Life feels very prominent as if there is too much time and yet not enough time to finish everything that your mind has imagined.  Each day opens like a scene from a play.  The lights are dim and the music slowly begins with a few notes growing immensely rich and full.  You see a man sitting at a desk writing furiously every thought he has ever had.  His pen is held tight in his hands as he scribbles notes that are only fragments of memories, but memories regardless.  He looks up from his paper and asks, “Do you remember when you were a blank page?”

I wake up looking at the yellow sunlight bursting through my curtains as my alarm clock slowly ticks away.  I slam the light on top of the alarm so that it may illuminate the time..It is 8:30am.  I wonder if there is any point to get up.  I wonder why I feel so tired, yet ready to start the day.  Could it be the single rays of light lumineateing my ceiling?  I don’t remember what it was like to be a blank page.  My mind is full of thoughts, ideas, memories, feelings, and forgotten beauty.  I remember what it was like to live.  I remember what it was like to feel, but it doesn’t seem that important.  The music swells swirling around in my head as I grab my phone to see no messages.  I pull out my ipod to check my e-mail.  There is a bunch of random letters sent to me by machines that are made to make me feel important…automated as they may be.  The music still echoes throughout my memory.  A flurry of strings and drums reminiscent of a movie I may have once seen. I sit at the edge of the bed looking down at the very gray carpet.  I look up to see the stillness of the room.  Nothing is moving..there sits a clock on my dresser, but the batteries have died.  I walk to the closet to see all the colors of my life.  These meaningless clothes that people see me in everyday.  I have a lot of blue dress shirts and a bunch of black dress pants all hanging randomly because I don’t care if they are in any order.  I lost that sense of order a long time ago.  I used to be a very different person.  I used to organize everything including my pens, all arranged by size and colors.  I would make my bed in the morning and switch my lights on and off twice before leaving the room.  It all felt so important and incredibly perfect, but now it doesn’t matter.  No, today is feels like all of it was just to try to feel something- about anything.  I pick up a blue shirt, but today I will wear jeans.  I look into my dresser to see many sneakers.  I pick something.  I don’t seem to care what pair.  I try to open my eyes, but the feeling is dark.  The day is bright.  I’m in the shower washing my hair, as the water falls it feels like life.  It feels like something that I can’t very well explain.  I love the scent of mint.  I like feeling like maybe there is a great healing power in that scent.  I let the water fall down my face.  I try to think of a time when maybe dreams were important, maybe when I would pick up my pen and furiously write down every thought I ever had.  I don’t have anything to feel at the moment.  I don’t care about thinking about anything.  I look in the mirror with my black hair sticking to my forehead and wondering how I ever got to this point.  This point where absolutely everything has to be a certain way.  I only like to use a certain tooth brush, I only like certain smells, I must wash my face twice.  These meaningless things feel so important, but I know that they are not.  I feel happy.  I still don’t remember what it was like to be a blank page.

 

I pour some water in my eco friendly plastic canister to make some instant coffee.  I enjoy the taste of cold coffee with just some milk and sugar.  I don’t care for anything really strong.  I like my coffee sweet.  I think the sugar makes me feel good.  It makes me feel joyful for a few moments.  The ice swirls around the canister crackling as it slowly melts.  Its life on this earth will be short lived as it is turned into water and in turn vanishes of anything that it formerly was.  I sit in the car looking out the window trying to remember a time when a memory struck me as truly special.  I can remember what it was like to have dreams, but I really can’t.  I think those feelings are manufactured from some book I may have read of other successful people.  I don’t understand what the word success means.  Is there some great big sign that says you have made it, that now you are important and in turn successful.  I put on my sunglasses to keep out the harsh sunlight, but also to keep the world away.  They can’t see in.  I feel safer not being anything.  I feel better when I’m not noticed.  I turn on some music that I just bought.  The sounds are filling the air, but I can’t remember the words.  I don’t think it matters.  It makes me think about a time when maybe I could remember these things.  I love how the notes string along as I hum some of the words out of tune.  The traffic is the same everyday..no matter.  I look at my phone again, there are no messages.  I see a wallpaper of this guy holding up a peace sign.  I picked this wallpaper because it seemed interesting.  The guy is in black outline, it could be me.  It could be no one.  I think this is why I like it so much.  I drive in silence.  I drive with sound.  I drive with my own thoughts.  I can’t think of anything.  I remember being a young boy with so much imagination.  I can’t remember whatever happened to that voice.  I used to dream about so many things.  A life of great importance, until I came to the realization that importance is really what we make of it.  I guess I still want to be someone like that.  I really don’t.  People expect it of me I guess.  I could really care less if anything went beyond this point.  I don’t hear anything anymore.  I still don’t remember what it was like to be a blank page.

 

My eyes feel tired and its only 2:00pm.  They feel heavy in a way that I can’t explain.  It is almost as if I were to shut them that everything would just stop along with me.  Time would freeze and everyone would stop.  Just stop walking, talking, yelling, and yet it would be perfect.  I check my phone again to see that there are no messages.  I try to put on some music, but the professor begins to talk.  I stare at an empty white wall.  I fill that wall with color.  I fill it with things that I have seen before.  I don’t care about what they were or what they meant, but I just remember seeing them before.  I take out my pen and write down notes from the lecture.  I see the ink slowly bleed through the paper just so much as the edges are smudged.  I look at my writing and think that it looks awfully small.  I can barely read it and its funny how I never “saw” it like that before.  I think about the last time something made me laugh and nothing comes to mind.  I think about the last time I just wanted to see something interesting.  I remember looking at a photo of the Eiffel tower and wanting to see the city from the top.  Millions of people have seen this, yet it would still feel very special.  I don’t think things are special anymore.  I think I want some chocolate.  I like the taste of chocolate.  I like cookies.  I check my phone again to see that there are no messages.  The class is over and it is time to go home.  Nothing else is planned at school for that day.  I begin my trip back home in the silence.  I still don’t remember what it was like to be a blank page.

 

Tomorrow the alarm rings and the day starts again.  I open my eyes and stare at a white ceiling.   

Fall is just right around the corner and with the cooler weather also comes the start of classes, deadlines, and late hour studying.  I’m very happy to change up the Summer routine and look forward to running around town more.  Here are the goals for the next four months and to a very nice future.

Goal 1:  Make all A’s again this semester!  Since going back to college I have been able to keep a perfect straight A average that has allowed me to be more confident and focused on achieving bigger goals.  My classes are more interesting this time around and I hope to get more hands on projects started.

Goal 2:  Intern, Intern, Intern-  A career must start somewhere and internships are where its at.  I’m moving most of my focus into the Advertising and Marketing fields that will allow me to plan future goals for firms that need upstarts.  My ideal job will be as an account manager or market research analyst. These jobs are creative and a little more accessible than what I wanted in TV Production.  I do still love my HD cameras though, I will definitely miss the studio, but I’m more business than technical.

Goal 3:  Refocus my attention back to the art.  I love to write, read, and discuss art- but lately I’ve been more focused on watching TV and seeing whatever movie my DVR has decided to record.  I really enjoy the art scene and my town has a great art scene that I have not been taking advantage of.  I also want to work a little more on refocusing my portfolio proposal for next year. 

Goal 4:  Deciding where the future leads next.  I’m not sure where life is heading or what it means for me, but I have really been enjoying thinking of all the possibilities.  I know I want to move to a new city where there will be more opportunity and allow myself to open up my life.  I also want to feel in control- something I have lacked for a while now.  I think I was just too busy going with the flow. 

So these are the goals at the moment and my birthday is right around the corner so its time to move forward and up.

Pray for yourself.  Pray for Someone else.  Have hope in your Savoir.  Have hope in your heart.  There are times of great pain and injustice, but always hold your head up high.  Look to the sky and feel his warmth.  You can feel the love everywhere you look, from the trees, dirt, and air you breath.  It’s a beautiful light that shines on warm summer days.  Your soul, Your energy is absolute.  Your heart is full.  Your life is meaning.  You are important, but mostly you are loved.  I am sorry that you have to feel this way.  I am sorry for everything you are put through today and each day.  I can’t help in a way that I know I can.  Know your strength and fight the best fight of your life.  There are no answers that I can give.  There are no choices that I can make.  Your life moves on its own path.  I can’t heal your wounds, but I can love.  Know that in your life that you will always be loved no matter what may come.

Two mothers stand on the edge. 

Snow falls seemingly shallow as life breathes beneath the surface.

One mother away from her child so far and distant.

One mother so wrought through a life of hard existence.

An opportunity opens to free their minds.  To free their hearts.

A perilous journey awaits through the dark.

They must travel and unravel their emotional connections.

They must not hear or fear.

One mother mourns her husbands passing.

One mother mourns her husbands vanishing.

Both need to survive in a world unfair with lies.

Break the law and travel they must.

Across a river so frozen and lost.

What they find is a precious feeling.

A life neither thought they would be living.

 

You say you love me.

You drink me in.

You don’t care for me.

You care all about me.

You hold me close.

You push me away.

You hate my music.

You love my sound.

Into recklessness we fall.

Into hope we rejoice.

Into void we fill.

You say you love me.

You say you don’t.

This week has been very eventful…just with how busy everything has been.  I’m getting ready to go back to class and I think I will enjoy the new schedule.  This is the semester for big decisions and growing.  I can’t even begin to think how in the world everything will work out and I guess that is where the exciting comes in.  On a much lighter note it is time for the fall season to begin on TV and that means some major catching up on all shows, so glad that DVR was invented.  If you haven’t been watching Mad Men then you have to start ASAP!  There is so much going on- We are three weeks in, so grab your handy dandy remote and get to OnDemand.  TrueBlood is almost over, but this season has been amazing- I would say just as good as season 2.  On the  line up for September we have House, Fringe, Parenthood, Weeds, and much more.  I don’t think that I will do a radio show this year mainly because I want to work more on my communication practicum.  That might be what gets me in- I also found this internship at the Chattanooga Chamber of Commerce that would great.  So much on my plate for the next few months- The summer was great.  White water rafting is just right around the corner! I’m very excited- for my Birthday I want to go sky diving, but I have to say that has been a dream for the last six years.  I think I am definitely too scared to ever make that a realization, lol. 

I think I’m most excited about Fall being just around the corner.  This 100+ heat has been a real kill joy.  I love fall and getting a chance to be around cool days.  It would be awesome to maybe even have some time to go hiking or just see some nature stuff.  I’m not sure what is ahead, but I just want to go be independent and free. I really hope good things are around the corner. 

A light from within shines so bright.  It fuses your core and breaks your plight.  Your sadness is gone, but is not forgotten.  You are success, you are enlightened.  The light is pure as winter snow falling gracefully upon our shore.  Fear nothing, love all, remember hope and forget the fall.  Remember what you said, remember what you meant- the light follows, the light enthralls.  You dream of pure white snow falling in the fall.  You dream of a light so evocative and tall.  You are special because you are.  You are love in the purist form of all.  Don’t forget to see the light, don’t forget to fear no dark.  Remember you are the brightest light of all.  

I am worn down.

I am nothing in this space.

I feel empty.

There is a void in this world.

I came in as an empty vessel eager for knowledge.

I know so little.

I don’t understand joy.

The emotions run deep as they run wide.

In silence I find no clarity.

There is light though small and dim.

There is hope though fragile.

You may have it all.

You may not.

Don’t fear and trust that everything will be alright.

In an instant…I am now.

I am here.

I am life.

A new school year is right around the corner and there are so many things to look forward to.  This will be the final round of classes and maybe I will be moving forward-  I hope to start something new and exciting.  I’m not sure, but I’m just tired of finding stuff that will only occupy my time.  I will work on things to make sure that maybe my life can move forward.  I wish that there were was some kind of life book that would tell me where to go from there.  I have no idea and I guess I feel a little bit lost, but I still move forward. I guess I can’t really stop and hide under my bed, though I wish I could..lol.  The summer kind of just slowly moved by, but overall it was great- had some fun.  The new class breakdown I’m not sure about right now and I still have to pass “verification” so you know that maybe its all up in the air.  I’m not sure why I always feel like that.  Like everything is just floating up in the air.  I have no control and the ride at times can be boring and slow.  I think I will work out of my box, lose some weight just to feel better- overall just try something “new” or as new as I can manage.  I do feel like I’m working towards a goal, but I have no idea what that is.  I’m all over the map tonight…my feelings feel high and low.  I feel tired, but not sleepy.  It is late…it is 2:00am and I’m alone with the glow of this computer screen straining my eyes.  I guess everything is great.  I feel good.  I don’t feel young though, I feel so tired and old.  It will be a new day tomorrow, but the same problems will still plague my mind.  It will still not make sense…though there is something so important in my future that I hope I don’t screw it up.  That would be nice…to not only be successful, but feel great about it.

“Where are all the empty feelings that grow from knowledge and day dreaming?”

Welcome to a new life.  It has been sitting here waiting for you and there are no directions or rules- just be you.  Did you come with problems and issues from your past life?  It doesn’t matter where you came from or what you did- that is what a new life means- just to exist.  You won’t remember your old life or have any feelings that could detour your new beginning.  Its a new time and place- a hope for a new day.  Why must we start over?  It is essential to remember that every moment of each second in your past life has created who you are now.  You can’t be that same person.  You must live again a new.  Maybe the outcome will be different or maybe it will be the same.  There are no guarantees.  We can say that you will be happy in the start as every idea is fresh and new. Don’t you want this life so fresh and new?  You will live a dream- a dream for you- created by you.  What do you mean that you have family and loved ones?  You can create your own new relationships and feelings.  Yes, a life of freedom which is exciting-  Nothing matters more than you being happy.  Nothing matters more than you feeling great.  We offer this new life with little cost.  The cost to you is practically free.  Don’t you want to come?  Don’t you want this new life so shiny and new?

There is a time when you don’t have to feel anything whether it be happiness or sadness.  The clock is stopped and minutes to the end of a day are no longer counting down.  The air is dead and the light dim.  When you feel absolutely nothing there are no memories, thoughts, or ideas running raptly through your mind.  Though you may be empty there is no pain or fear of an unknown future or fading past.  What it is- is hard to explain.  What you feel is not something tangible or real.  I suspect that the moments before are hectic and loud with music and sound rampaging through the air in momentous abundance.  After though there is nothing.  An empty space to fill the void left by all the bombastic noise.  These moments may happen when you least expect them.  They just occur like a solar flare lighting up the sky in a rampant violent burst of light- then quickly fizzle.  In these moments you may think to yourself how can I handle a “nothing” that I have never felt before.  We don’t always understand the meaning of silence.  Being alone with nothing to keep your mind occupied.  As the morning sun beats heavily down on your car and you get in exhausted from the heat- it can happen then.  You sit in your car and the noise, the feelings- everything just goes away. Time stops and you are no longer tied to the binding of your natural life.  You are more than your surroundings..you are more than your understanding.  You are in a word, nothing.  As quickly as it came it will go.  Your life will flood with all the familiar as your thoughts fill your head.  As if it had never occurd.  As if it never mattered.  Yes, that is what it feels like- like nothing and everything.  When time just stops.

The last few days I have spent time reading a friend’s blog and they are doing some amazing work. I have found that their words speak so much truth and while they are not in the best of circumstances they still find time to joke and laugh about the life they are living. Rachel and Tristan have been working in Swaziland Africa for the last year teaching HIV prevention and general education to children of their community. Of course there are plenty of anecdotes about daily life and the pure horrors of living in a third world country, but I was most impacted by how they feel that at times that they may not be making much of an impact. I believe that is where the truth lies, when you can look beyond yourself to see the larger picture and imagine a world where maybe you are not making a huge impact. I couldn’t imagine living in such a place or trying to teach people who are always fearful of death from disease and poverty. This is the type of work the requires a lot of strength both emotional and physical. I can only read the sentence “Walked 10 miles in 115 degree heat” and have no idea what that feels like. They have done a great thing for society and the world in general even if they only help one person at a time. I feel more wrapped up in their stories because they are truthful and very human. I don’t think anyone should miss out on this little treasure of a blog about a couple doing amazing work on the other side of the globe.

Please follow the Link to read their blog:

Rachel & Tristan in Swaziland

To Read Part One:  Away

Part Two: Home

He kept trying to focus as people walked with urgency and sense of abandonment talking into their cell phones without a care in the world. He looked at his sneakers torn and frayed. He kept wondering if he would remember her. If she were important enough to remember. He was ten when she left. He had spent the entire day wondering about her. He imagined her in the plane just sitting near a window looking at an endless sky. She would not be as he remembered. He thinks of a mother so young and sweet- full of life with joy in her eyes. He is fourteen today and the day seemed bigger than his age, more important as questions to his future loomed in the distance.

He secretly unloved her a little more each night as thoughts of a fake mother’s care would haunt him. “Why do I not feel anything?” he would whisper before falling asleep. He had always been troubled with these thoughts since she left. In a way to escape he would skip class and walk through the mall with his girlfriend Becky and tell her stories of how he could beat up any guy and that his father was in prison for killing a man. None of this was true, but he didn’t care for Becky, she was in a way just someone to date as an excuse to have someone to talk to. Her blond hair fell medium length, she was just pretty enough to get a guys attention, but a life of constant let down made her cold. He could tell her anything and she wouldn’t care. They would go behind the old gym building during math class to smoke cheap cigarettes and talk of dreams about leaving “this” place. When he was younger, around eleven he had a worn picture of his mom that he kept in a shoe box under his bed. He lost his temper one summer and set the box on fire in the woods behind his “host” family’s house.

He sat on the bench with his head down thinking about all those times he wanted a mother. He had idealistic pictures of mothers from tv who seemed only to exist to love their children. These images ate away at his heart like a slow moving plague that constantly fractured the very foundation of his soul. His heart felt black, his life was in quiet peril from too much pain of memories that may or may not have ever been. He wondered if there would be answers to his questions and if she could make him feel better by just saying “Sorry”, but as these thoughts crept into his mind there was a languish in the amount of time he sat on this bench. What could his mother of done that was so bad that she would abandon him at ten and never look back? There was a frenzy in the air as people pulled and pushed luggage across linoleum floors. He was waiting just waiting for a person who he once loved and remembered. He thinks about being six and running down the hall falling down and scrapping his knee. She ran down the hall and picked him up and kissed his knee, “Mommy is here and I love you very much” she would say smiling. Getting up from the bench he looked up from his worn shoes and saw her coming off the plane with tears in her eyes…as he had done when he was six he smiled and said to himself, “I love you too”.

To Be Continued…

I have been searching through endless internet directories to see what kind of possible good  career could be out there. Once you field through endless spam jobs that include working from home and making 300.00 a week by just being yourself, you find very little in the way of actual career fulfillment. Though there are a few gems hidden here and there and I did find some things to get excited about. First there is a really high profile internship job for Verizon Communications event planning. I could get paid to throw some great networking and launch parties in major cities as a way of promoting a brand. That would be perfect, but I imagine the “coveted” internship spot will be attacked by any college graduate within a hundred mile radius. There is also Manager of show promotion and mixed media lab being brought up by the Mystery Theater in the downtown. That would be a perfect job to get into the door with and maybe even have a chance to grow. It’s the kind of job that can go from one thing to the next each week and mixed media is something I would love to do. Everything else especially when you look in the marketing field can get rather jumbled from “Sales Call” listings which is not really the essence of marketing to rather dumb marketing tricks like holding a sign up in front of cash express for six hours a day. I feel like you have to have talent just to get through job listings to make sure you are applying to things that could possibly help out your future. It all feels rather pointless to an extent…you are really good at something and now you have to wait for others to see that you are good at it. I wish I could just post some of my ideas and maybe something would come from that, but where is the competition in that? Life is about surviving and surviving is partially about luck and those who thrive are the ones that see opportunity where no one else could imagine it, but am I that person?

In truth there was so little to be said. She had gotten off the plane with a sense of worry. She wondered if she would ever get to see her son again. He would be turning 14 in three days and she had not spoken to him in over three years. She had a feeling that he would not remember her or have a distorted memory of her as her absence probably made him cold and bitter. She would look for the warmth in his eyes and maybe that he would be okay. The day felt long. The plane ride felt infinite as thoughts of grand disappointment filled her head. She knew that he would yell at her and tell her that he never loved her and that she was a horrible mother. This understandably made her feel bad, but it also made her feel like she was being unfairly judged. He didn’t know the sacrifices she gave up to give him a good life. How could he be so angry at her and have this disdain for her memory. Maybe she could explain everything to him. She could look deep into herself and tell the truth. There would be a reason to give him hope. He didn’t have to be a statistic of another kid without a mother. She could feel the tears begin to fall down her face. She could feel the weight of every decision she has ever made on her shoulders. It was painful. Incredibly painful. How could she of been so careless with his feelings…not even a phone call. She was walking down the terminal hallway with its multi colored bright lights and empty modern lines. She thought of memories that she never shared with him. She began this journey five hundred miles away and now she would be seeing him. Would there be a smile or just a look of disappointment. She walked past a crowd of people and there he sat looking at her. She said “Maybe it will be alright.”

Part Two:  Home

As you are pushed away from everything familiar you begin to feel the days grow.  They grow in unexpected ways.  In some ways they are the same with the sun rising in the morning and falling to the other end of the world at night.  So much about this feeling is contributed to our sense of complacency.  At some level we love to find ourselves living the same pattern day after day.  On rare occasion as you get older you find that your days grow in unexpected ways.  Before you know it there are times when pure joy can fill your heart and other times where you think there is no way out of the despair.  It is in those moments when you grow as a person.  Getting up in the morning taking your shower, deciding what to wear, and letting the dog out does not allow you to grow.  It is necessary because life is about doing things that we have been taught over and over again. On your way to work you may find someone in need and you help them.  In an unexpected way you have just grown- your day all of a sudden has meaning.  Is that what is means to live a life with meaning? No, I don’t believe it matters in the least.  Fate possibly brought you to this point and you now have to make a decision that can really impact your life or not.  I think to live a life with meaning you must go and find important causes that fulfill your spirit.  I’m not sure what it means…I have never understood what it means, but I think that meaning pushes change that creates substance.  All this as the day continues to grow…

The last few days have been busy and incredibly boring all at the same time, but something happened.  One day I found out about the freedom of happiness.  That feeling that comes around every once in a while that makes life so much better and yet so fleeting that you don’t ever remember what it actually feels like.  Its like that first time you figured out that life really isn't made up of your dreams, but more of how well you can force your way through to success.  You can be sitting there upset and unfocused and in a split second feel “Open”.  Like nothing matters more than what you feel in that moment.  It doesn't last of course as feelings of self doubt and crippling fear slowly enter your mind again and your lost in whatever mundane task you were doing in the first place.  The “Freedom” comes from allowing yourself to feel open to the happiness and trying to duplicate it as much as possible.  You want to feel happy and not like some unsuccessful plague on society.  Yet there is nothing that triggers what will make you happy, you just are and then you are not.  Lately I have felt a lot better because the feeling of just being open and free seems to just seep in.  Like standing in an open field where nothing can really harm you- where your feelings don’t have to make sense- where you no longer feel like a failure.  The world is tough and sometimes you just need happiness to flood your life, if just for a few moments.

So here is the finished EC Design Concepts Logo!  I have no idea where this is going, but I’m liking it.  The more nervous I am the more off track I get-  There is so much to think about and I’m going back and forth on ideas.  I’m not even sure if office organization is really where this is going, I’m very lost.  I’m still working on my business plan- Its very ABC at the moment and it needs some TLC (oh, that was lame).  I’m taking a couple of days off- just because I have researched business topics for days!  It’s not a bunch of fun, but this has to work.  Today I feel great and I can’t wait to make a decision and stick with it- I’m really awful at that.  Have you ever tried to design your own logo?  How difficult of a task was it for you? 

When you get to that point in life where you are a twenty something and nothing makes sense anymore you begin to doubt everything about life and how to just manage.  I always felt like I was never alone in this, but one day while having lunch with a friend we started to talk about the different paths our lives were taking and how to manage a dream with living in the real world.  After a while we came up with a great idea of creating a site where all 20 somethings could get together and discuss how their lives were moving in either the direction they dreamed or in ways they never imagined.  This site known as “Unscripted Life” is still in the planning stages and will hopefully be a community created page where people can connect and read life anecdotes that can help them in their search to find peace with the direction their lives are heading in.  We each have a unique story, but it is surprising how we all feel the same way about what we are going through.  I’m going to be a contributing editor and with my friends we will create this little home for thought of young lives moving ever so quickly into the future.  No one can have it all planned out, but we don’t have to feel bad about it either.  I hope the site grows and catches on and maybe as people start to join they will spread the message and help out others.  My unique story will be posted and like this blog will chart my journey.  Now that I’m working at starting my own business…I will have a lot more insight into merging my dreams with my life.

Whenever I try something new in life it can be filled with a crazy amount of anxiety, but right now I’m feeling great.  Recently I have been researching job opportunities in film development and production.  There isn’t a bunch out there, but I did find a lot of marketing and advertising projects.  The more I read about marketing the more I saw “small business” and it got me thinking what I could do to get my life going in the direction I choose.  I’m the kind of person who works well alone and I get excited planning things out.  So while I have a ton of e-resumes floating around in space waiting for a response- I’m going to take the first steps to starting my own business.

This of course will be a slow process that will take months or even a year to get off the ground, but I’m determined to have personal success on my own terms doing something I believe I could have fun with.  I’m still actively looking for a job in my field and I have some more school to finish, but it could all work out.  I spent the last three days just researching ideas for a possible small business that would play to my strengths and really focus a niche in my town. 

After hours of lame ideas and things I was just not that great at- I came across a simple line from a site that does nothing but give business ideas- “Organize Offices”.  It hit me that it would be perfect for me and I already posses many of the skills needed to walk through a problem and begin organizing.  I want to create simple streamlined modern office spaces for home business owners and local businesses around my area.  I love office supplies- I have no idea why, but just ask my parents- I ask for office supplies for Christmas!  I enjoy organizing on the business level with concentration in filing and storage.  There are only a few professional organizers in my area and all of them are women.  It would be nice to get a young mans perspective in office design as my ideas will probably be different.  I’ve decided that the name of my business will be EC Design Concepts taken from this site.  I feel like the name has some ambiguity that will allow my company to grow into something different if I find a new direction the more I get into this. I had EC Office concepts for a while, but I feel like it just holds me down.  The next series of steps are to find out the legal forms I will need, a strong business plan, a strategic marketing plan, financial planning, website hosting possibilities, and a career projection.  I have some great mentors who own or have owned their own small business that I can get some feedback from.  I also sent out some e-mails and resumes to local organizing companies that I can maybe start to intern at or just work on a couple of projects.  Next semester I plan to take a financial advising course and a computer management lecture.

I have a part time job, school, intern ships and getting this company off the ground.  I can do this-  I have the talent to create something and make it work (even though I have never done this!).  I’m excited- I’m also starting a website with some friends that will deal with being twenty and just trying to survive and turn jobs into careers.  I will blog about all these ventures as I work through them.  I’m sure there will be a lot of bad luck, negative feedback, and just plain stress- but bring it on!  If the dream job comes along and I get hired or a new possibility starts- I will make the decision that is right for me.  Its funny that I got the idea from driving past an empty store front with a little red sign saying “Live your dream, own a business”  two weeks ago and look here I am ready to live a dream.

To Be Continued…

He stares at his beat up white lace up sneakers with intensity trying to remember what had happened moments earlier.  Its cool outside and clouds hang solemnly overhead casting a bluish tint on the world around him.  He breathes in through his nose and out his mouth trying to focus through the haze.  The wheels of a bicycle turn violently in the distance just spinning against the low September wind.  He had been normal just hours before when worrying about his lunch was the most pressing issue of the day.  He felt he was an average guy driving some small four door sedan from 98’ with a bumper sticker that read “rebel” that some girl with a butterfly tattoo had given him in high school.  He has brown hair, slightly over weight, and stands 6 foot with a scar running down his left arm that he got when he was five years old in a car accident.  He hates the taste of black licorice, but has been chewing the same piece for an hour now.  He is not sure why he did it, but it just happened without any prior motive.  The gun was just laying there on the shelf, maybe having been left by some high school punks who had abandon a lame prank.  Looking down at his sneakers he has a sense that time has just stopped.  Twenty dollar bills are flying down the street covered in blood.  One gets caught in the spoke of the spinning bicycle laying on the cold payment.  He tries to remember how he got here, how something so simple turned into chaos.  It was early in the morning, he pulled into a gas station to get some coffee.  He figured it was the best way to wake up after an evening of watching old black and white German war movies.  He made his way to the back of the store and grabbed a cup and poured what look to be black tar into it.  He went to grab some sugar and noticed a black semi-automatic sitting there on the shelf.  He didn’t know anything about guns because as a kid his mother sheltered everything in his life.  He just kept looking at it and wondered why today of all days he would come up on such a thing.    

To Be Continued…             

Charming Wanna Be....

The Prince and me is an extremely well made movie for such a low rate premise. In this little “Roman Holiday” rip off we get a sad Julia Stiles and an unpromising new comer in Luke Mably. This movie follows every cliché down to the wire and gets in every fantasy before its bleak two hour run is over. I didn’t expect much going into this movie and I really felt that it wasn’t going to offer anything new to the world of princess fantasies, but give me a break. When the Prince of Denmark (who speaks with an English accent, why not Danish?) watches a girls gone wild American commercial.  The prince quickly thinks it’s a good idea to trek to Wisconsin for some sexy country girl action, but as we all know- he finds something entirely different. The Prince is played by new comer or “this is my big break”- Luke Mably who doesn’t dazzle and with an-oh-so prince William look he doesn’t do much else. Luke throws himself into the material and every time is trumped by the more sophisticated Julia Stiles. Julia plays the every-country-wannabe-doctor girl that Hollywood likes to trot out for our enjoyment as a deep character. Julia adapts herself accordingly and makes the material work half the time and the other doesn’t seem to really care. There’s something wrong with her accent- it isn’t country, but its like the Hee-Haw version of what she did in “Mona Lisa Smile”. Julia plays Paige Morgan a down to earth school geek wanting to become a doctor.

Paige is serious about the endeavors in her life and works hard to achieve everything she has so far. Her ultimate dream is to work with “doctors without borders” program. So, you have to give it to Paige for being deeper than most characters for these teen-romance pictures. Paige and the Prince or Prince Edvard meet in a cute way with him asking her to take off her top- (ahhh love at first sight)- of course she douses him with seltzer water, she’s to much of a lady. Later we find that taking her top off in a Library is more tasteful. The two have a nice distain for one another for the first twenty minutes of the film, but as he gives her coaching advice on Shakespeare and she shows him the finer points of doing laundry a love blossoms. Edvard is followed by man servant Soren played with satirical wit by Ben Miller. Ben gets all the laughs in this movie and rightly so- coming off as a classic cynical middle aged man with no real life. Edvard’s parents are played by James Fox and Miranda Richardson, both being slapped in the face and given pathetically flat characters. Wherever Richardson picked up the pathetic accent its gotta go. James seems to make no effort as King Haraald and you really don’t blame the man- given nothing to do.

After Edvard and Paige “get down on the farm” so to speak the movie slowly plots along giving way to more pop music montages and an array of beautiful dresses to make girls feel like the Gap is just not enough. The exciting stunts come from a heart pounding lawn mower race and even some nice horse antics are thrown in later. When the press finds the lovely couple in a compromising position.  Edvard has to tell Paige that he is a Prince who came to America to find himself – or shirtless sexy farmer college girls. The Prince then jets back home where he learns that his father is ill and that he will have to take the thrown soon. Paige desperately follows and then we get to the Princess segment of the movie. She wears dresses and looks just ok the entire time, but then she gets to thinking and would rather be back home, so she decides that maybe this isn’t the life for her. The movie then stretches out some more until they get together- it doesn’t flow very well and at the end of the day were left with a sour taste in our mouths- because really there is nothing that makes this movie okay. The production value is decent and Martha Coolidge directs with a bubbly style, but the four credited writers needed to stop drinking while writing the tired script.

Final MovieFIX:

1/2 out of 5- Julia never really sparkles and Luke barely makes it out as the dashing prince, this fairytale isn’t one for the books or screen.

"The Prince & Me"
Directed by Martha Coolidge; written by Jack Amiel, Michael Begler, Katherine Fugate; photographed by Alex Nepomniaschy; edited by Steven Cohen; production designed by James Spencer; music by Jennie Muskett; music supervisor Robin Urdang; produced by Mark Amin. A Paramount Pictures/Lions' Gate Entertainment release; opens Friday, April 2. Running time: 1:51. MPAA rating: PG (some sex-related material and language).
Paige Morgan - Julia Stiles
Prince Edvard/Eddie - Luke Mably
Soren - Ben Miller
King Haraald - James Fox
Queen Rosalind - Miranda Richardson
Amy Morgan - Alberta Watson

Okay, well I’ve been busy putting out resumes to try to get my foot in the door at some hip cool marketing, production, or advertising firm (like photo above). So the results have been less than stellar..crickets really.  It’s strange how everything feels like a game, like just find the secret to getting in and your in regardless if you have the education as long as you have the talent.  I’m a bit of an untalented individual- well unless you think “Mexican Moon dancing” has any place in life.  I do have some education, but lets face it- the United States school system has let me down…I can barely make percentages without a calculator.  I’m so average that I make that guy from that one Seinfeld episode seem like a gift to mankind.  Yesterday I went to Blockbuster and saw the entire store for sale- seriously you can buy everything including those lame title cards they place behind movies to let you know that there are no movies, really who would want to buy that?  I did get away with some really cool PS3 stuff that will make my hobbit like existence so much more enjoyable.  I spent last week completely editing down my extensively wordy resume that had not been updated in a couple of years to make it more appealing to employers.  My idea of putting $50.00 in each resume I mailed out seems like a sure fire way to get a call back, except at this rate I could only send out like two…or one and a half.  Is life cruel or am I just that far behind?  I think that maybe this will work out and then it doesn’t and wait there is always a plan B, but now I think I might be gearing up for plan R.  So my resume is a hipper version of who I want to be and maybe who I think I am, but who really knows these things.  I believe the paper version of me is floating around to strangers who really don’t know me or care to.  I just want to spend my life working for them and being excited about doing something, could they show some gratitude and enjoy the bio I attach with every resume.  I’m joking- I have a feeling some people will believe me and try to explain to me how to properly send out a resume. I’m just in limbo- Its that feeling of not really being sure what to expect next and maybe that is just ok. 

The field was filled with long golden wheat stalks that stretched towards the sky. That dark blue sky with clouds that tumbled and rolled in like a crashing wave against the shore.  I looked up and then I looked down…the dirt had a shimmer.  A bright shimmer like cold coins against a mid afternoon sunlight.  I wondered if this was a dream, everything seemed so perfect and naturally not real.  My teeth were clinched tightly and my eyes squinting against the harsh sunlight.  I was worried because I had no idea where I was or how I got there.  I looked up again to see strawberries falling from the sky.  Bright red strawberries that were swallowed up into the earth.  I felt alone, but I wasn’t alone.  There was a man standing at the other end of the field holding a gun.  He was a dark shadow against a bright hued blue wall.  The wall looked like the sky melting into its bright blue color seamlessly.  I noticed three other walls surrounding me…this was not an open field, but just a box.  A box holding a memory that invaded my mind closing in on small details from a life lived somewhere else.  The man stood there with his gun by his side saying nothing.  The strawberries continued to fall against the wheat field.  Clouds above my head continued to roll in and grew darker with every crash.  The man took a few steps closer to me.  I  was not worried as if I knew this man and as if I had told him to meet me here in this field.  The sky grew darker and more deadly as the man continued to walk toward me with the gun still by his side.  I can remember looking away to see a bright green hummingbird flying slowly above the wheat stalks.  I looked back to see the man, but he wasn’t there.  I held the gun tightly in my grip.  The strawberries stopped falling.  The ground had swallowed all the strawberries and the dirt shined brighter than before.  I was tired…I felt so tired, but I knew I could not walk past those walls painted like the sky.  The clouds continued to roll in as the sky grew darker.

So its Summer and you think your DVR is going to be empty, well fear not because the summer TV season has a bunch of good stuff returning a few new shows that look promising. These are my picks for you to watch!

Mad Men The three-time winner of the Golden Globes returns, and we see how Don and company fare with their new agency. Premieres: AMC 7-25-10

Futurama The Fox animated show finds a new home at Comedy Central for its sixth season and Lela still only has one eye. Premieres: Comedy Central 6-24-10

True Blood Sookie and a werewolf are appointed by Eric to track down the missing Bill. Premieres: HBO 6-13-10

The C Word Not that word! Laura Linney is a woman who changes the way she lives her life after a cancer diagnosis. Um…that’s where the C comes in. Premieres: Showtime 8-16-10

The Gates It’s like Desperate Housewives with the sexy Kate Beckinsale as the lead and vampire shenanigans! (Are we not yet bored to “death” by vampires?) Premieres: ABC 6-20-10

Top Chef: DC In a bid to get closer to the Obama kitchen table the Bravo series is going to DC! Expect a bunch of cheese dishes. Premieres: Bravo 6-16-10

Friday Night Lights It’s a show you should be watching. Its currently on Fridays at 8pm on NBC and probably the most real and amazing show about small town life on TV.  Premieres: NBC Currently on.

Work of Art: The Next Great Artist In what appears to be a lazy trend of “competitive” reality television along comes a show so broad that it could be called “Just looking for any guy who can draw”. Premieres: Bravo 6-9-10

So You Think You Can Dance? It’s back and Mia Michaels replaces Mary Murphy so expect a bunch of quotes about “feelings” and “Not being a needy dancer”. Premieres: Fox 5-27-10

Hell's Kitchen Where Chef Ramsey will yell at you for burning the risotto! Premieres: Fox 6-1-10

The Little Couple Little couple Bill and Jen have more adventures than you can shake a stick at! Premieres: TLC 6-1-10

Tosh.0 Tosh is back ripping on you for trying to make it as the internet’s next big thing. Babies dancing to Beyonce need not apply. Premieres: Comedy Central 6-2-10

Rescue Me This is the year Tommy makes everything right or just drinks more. Premieres: FX 6-29-10

I’m finally at that point when I’m ready to go on the job hunt in a “recovering” economy. I’m nervous thinking about what might be out there in the world, but I’m also very excited to find out what life is like beyond my small view. There are no guarantees that I will end up anywhere near my Media Technology concentration, but I’m optimistic that I will get something that makes me truly happy. I enjoy working more than just about anything else, so long days at the office wouldn’t be a horrible thing. I feel like whatever may come my way that it should at least be interesting and slightly creative. The “A” goes with “B” thing really just isn’t what I like to do. I want a challenge that will push me to meet deadlines and the rush of creating something from just an idea. I’m taking it slow because I don’t want to rush into just anything- it has to be the right job at the right time. I want to maybe get an awesome internship at a PR firm or Marketing project. At this point in life I can really go anywhere and do anything so why am I letting my ambition take a backseat to my fears? It’s natural to have some fear, but it shouldn’t take over your life. I sometimes let it take over my life because I don’t know anything beyond what I’m currently doing. I try to focus on the good and live a life that has meaning, but my thoughts sometimes cloud my intuition. I’m too nervous to take the next step and I just can’t sit back and watch what happens either. I’m a little lost, which sadly is nothing new, but I have a feeling that maybe things are about to turn around. Hopefully.

It’s summer and the wind is lightly blowing outside as the temperature rises. I’m indoors looking at a blank screen not sure what to write. I’m currently thinking about the future. What it means to map out your life and try to follow it like a set of directions. I try not to imagine a distinct future because I ultimately don’t want to let myself down. I worry about the idea of “success” because I feel once you reach it that you have to create another set of goals.  I’m not sure what comes after achieving a dream. Are you supposed to have an entire book of dreams or a single one? Each day is starting to feel the same, I see the same people and have the same conversations. It wouldn’t matter where I lived because each day plays out similarly. Is this why we have dreams in the first place? Without dreams does it feel you’re not going anywhere or is it all relative? We want to be on a path or otherwise we are deemed useless to society. My path feels crowded with other people moving in the same direction spouting the same dumb ideology about the importance of power and success (or is that excess). I’m free falling half of the time not understanding how much music plays an important part in drowning out the noise of my thoughts. It’s true that I over think everything to the point where it doesn’t matter to me anymore. I hear that the weather is Spain is nice this time of year and maybe that is the direction my life should head. It wouldn’t matter because it’s a dream and ultimately that makes it important. How conversational of me to find the meaning behind a thought process so natural and nonsensical. I don’t know why I have dreams, but I do and that makes the path so much more fulfilling, but if I didn’t have any dreams wouldn’t the path still be as interesting? Soon I will get to a point where the path doesn’t matter anymore and the dreams become irrelevant because such little time is left. The natural progression of life and feelings are almost overwrought with irony and sadness. A part of me can’t wait to get to that point where it doesn’t matter anymore and that I know that it never did.

 

He wears thick black brimmed glasses and a white pocket square.

He likes buttermilk in the morning, but only after a cup of coffee.

He works as a janitor three times a week.

He mops beige hallways that smell like lemon lime and mildew.

He can never find matching socks so he buys just white ones.

He laughs out loud to reruns of M.A.S.H.

He thinks the smell of cinnamon is nauseating.

He met his girlfriend on-line while shopping for comic books.

He thinks if she were a flower than she would be a tulip.

He tried to kiss her on their first date while riding a tilt-a-whirl.

He secretly wishes he knew how to whistle.

He once had a dream that he met Al Gore while swimming for the national polo team.

He thinks he’s allergic to blueberry muffins.

He wears brown shoes with red laces.

He had his first kiss by a red ant hill.

He once smashed a snow globe against the hood of a ford mustang.

He chews with his mouth open.

He cried at the end of Casablanca.

He has a Spiderman bandage on his left knee from tripping on a fire hydrant.

He kisses his girlfriend and thinks about cotton candy.

He thinks his girlfriend secretly hates his hair.

He once added blue food coloring to his eggs.

He dreams about flying away in a hot air balloon.

He wonders why he can’t propose.

He thinks he’s just not in love.

Part 1: An Introduction

I can kind of remember what it was like coming to America for the first time. I was really young so my thoughts might be cloudy. I was born in Baja off the cost and I was brought to America when I was five. I can remember Palm Springs being sort of like a movie set with endless palm trees and shiny rocks instead of sand. I remember a windmill farm with hundreds of white windmills turning in the dessert air. I remember the dessert sun burning up the sky with reds, yellows, and blues. I was nervous to meet my new family and start a new life, but I was excited as well. I believe it was a very hot day and the air conditioner in the case workers car made a loud rattling sound. The seats were leather and stuck to me as I intently stared out the window. I can remember smiling more than being sad…I don’t think I was aware that I would never see my mother again, but I was happy to have left all the horrible stuff behind me. When we pulled into the drive way the first thing that I noticed is that the house was yellow and a single palm tree was growing in the front yard. It looked peaceful and tranquil and nothing like what I had seen back home. I walked to the front door holding the case workers hand and suddenly I felt a rush of emotions because I had no idea what future was behind that door. To be continued…

1st picture ever taken of me.

I fight to write.

I fight to believe and understand.

I fight for freedom and vision.

I fight for the creative.

I fight to see the sunshine.

I fight to run through the rain.

I fight for success.

I fight to live each day.

I fight to wake up each morning.

I fight to always stay happy.

The summer is upon us and what better time to play catch up on everything old and new. Of course due to busy schedules and a heavy primetime schedule many movies we just didn’t have time to see, so here is my summer watching list: Things I will / want / can’t decide if I should watch this summer. Hopefully I will have some time to get these off of my list soon:

The Lovely Bones: Though it came out to middling reviews and a somewhat lackluster box office. I still find myself wanting to see what vision Peter Jackson brings to this story.

An Education: It had some major Oscar buzz, but sadly was overshadowed by flashier films. I just hope Peter Sarsgard can overcome that horrible “The Orphan” movie he was in.

Shutter Island: You must pay respect to a master artist like Martin Scorsese and his idea of horror will no doubt be revealing.

Inception: A horrifyingly good trailer looks like a must watch for me. It is a bonus that Christopher Nolan brings this movie after the creative success of The Dark Knight.

Salt: I can only hope that this is better than Angelina Jolie’s last action pic “Wanted”, but she has nowhere to go but up.

The Last Airbender: Though I know that M. Night Shyamalan has had one disappointment after another- I hope he can bring the characters to life from a cartoon off of Nickelodeon without seeming desperate for a summer blockbuster.

I’m sure there are more, but this is my short list for really interesting movies that have made it on my radar. Of course summer movie junk like Iron Man 2 will no doubt fill a couple hours of my life, but junk food is the best part of summer.

                 

The end of the year came like a whirlwind of long hours putting projects together and last minute cramming to finish tests, but overall it has been a great year. I did work that I’m proud of and I felt that this semester I have gotten a lot of valuable life information from my classes. Media Management had more depth than I originally imagined it would and it wasn’t difficult as much as just interesting. Media Writing II was a bit on the boring side and sometimes too focused on singular ideas, but news writing isn’t a creative art. I can’t say that I really enjoyed that class- I also can’t say that I’m a good writer either. JavaScript formatting was by far the most frustrating and difficult class I have ever had. Things didn’t work the way they should and so many issues with cross compatibility really made it a pain. I did learn so much more about JavaScript, but it felt like it was at a price. I don’t think it’s anything that I’m ever going to 100% excel in. PR and Marketing was very interesting and I can now right a very decent press release- at times I loved this class more than I could have imagined and then I could turn around a hate everything it represents. I enjoy the work behind PR, but I’m really not the kind of guy to go around selling myself or my ideas. Introduction for Designers was a great web application class that allowed me to work strict XHTML into my JavaScript (whenever it decided to work properly) and gave me a sense of completion to many of the projects I had started in Intro to Website design. Overall the year was incredible and I feel more fulfilled than I have in the past, but things still linger for me. The idea of how I have no idea how this will all turn out still brings some fear, but I can’t really think about it too much. I don’t care if life doesn’t have meaning, but I do care if I’m at least making a positive impact. Next semester will bring in field work and broadcasting until graduation where all the questions will be up in the air and I’m sure I will still have no answers.

              It has been a while since I’ve written anything. It has just been busy or maybe I don’t have anything meaningful to write. If you think about life and death and how it lingers in the back of our thoughts- you begin to wonder if each step you make has any real importance. Time is never on our sides as we strive for moments of happiness through the lull of everyday existence, but in moments of true stillness you feel yourself thinking. You think about everything that is important to you and all the things that may never make sense to you, but most of all you think about happiness. What will bring me true happiness? Does it matter? Is the reality I’m currently in the only thing that matters? All these questions may fill the void, but few have any resonance or solution. I can’t help but think about these things all the time.

               It feels like the dreams we have tend to give us less meaning over time. Death is a very real notion, but it brings up complex feelings of doubt in the choices you have made through life. What is the most important part of life? Is it raising your children or loving your family? Does it have nothing to do with you? For me the aspects of life that have most meaning are are hard to define. When your proud of an accomplishment or when something unnervingly moves you to a point of pure distraction. Its these moments that build meaning. I can remember times such as when I was adopted that created a sense of belonging and love. Though the idea of being adopted quickly faded because I was just part of the family- these moments had meaning and gave me a sense of hope for feeling something about something. As vague as that may sound there are moments that play through our minds over and over again, whether they are positive or negative doesn’t matter because they create meaning. We all search for meaning and a way to express what we feel and I guess it’s the journey that matters the most. I recently heard of a friend that had passed away and thought about all the meaning they gave that they may never have been aware of and that life is sometimes cruel in that fact.

It’s Friday! and of course that means Webby pop art and I think today’s very retro Boston Terrier is a great example of minimalist collage.  I’m not sure who is the original artist of this print, but I love the juxtaposition of colors.