It’s already the time of year when we take a deep look into our lives and decide what we need to change.  Resolutions annoyingly play with our emotions because we know that by February most of them will have been a distant memory.  To this I say, Forget about it!  I’m not making any resolutions for next year.  Oh, who am I kidding…These are my five resolutions for 2010.

1)  Lose the weight.  In order to do this I will have to cut back on my indulgence of cheese and anything with rice (Oh not Sushi! Not Tacos! Not Queso!).

2)  Be more involved.  I have not dedicated any amount of time to Media Club and as dorky as it sounds I miss my AV days.  I want to do at least one Alpha event in which I help…really help.

3)  Keep the grades going.  So far I have been living in “A+” land and I’m determine to keep it there.  I also hope to spend more time studying for you know…test or whatever.

4)  Design more..Live the art that I love.  I need to goof around and make movies, work on websites and just live in art design for a while.  Play more!

5)  Work Smarter.  I want to be an exceptional employee.  I know boring, but I really do care about where I work and I want to continue to have success.

I will also blog the New Year more…like more than one post a month kind of thing. Happy New Year Everyone!

 

Glee: Enjoying a hysterically funny freshman year this comedy about singing High school students has had the best biting social commentary and pop synthesizing swooning.  Much like the equally hilarious and down right truth movie “Election”, Glee has opened us up to another part of High school we wished we would have long forgotten.  Grade:  A 

House:  In an effort to reinvent itself yet again “House” has proven its a chore to have to watch this incredible show.  With absurd creative decisions to have cast regulars being dismissed during pivotal plot points and lagging story lines this season of House is becoming the 5th season of Grey’s Anatomy.  Grade: C

Mad Men:  The incredibly resonant third season came to a close this year, but power house performances by Jon Hamm and January Jones kept viewers wanting more.  Sure this season was more Don and Betty and less Sterling Cooper, but when the true identity of Don came to surface the show hit a monumental stride.  By the end we had a reemerging company from the ruble Sterling Cooper became during its British invasion.  Grade: A-

Modern Family:  This kind of funny has not been around since the late great days of Arrested Development.  It’s a documentary show with little documentary and a whole lot of hilarious hi-jinx.  Modern Family is a brilliant comedy that shows how goofy and aloof family life can actually be.  “WTF, Why the Face?” Grade:  A

Always Sunny in Philadelphia:  The low dirt bags of “Sunny” are as always scheming and greedily searching for the next thing to make money.   Nothing was funnier than socks for cats and even though each episode plays like a groundhog day for misfits you still can’t help but love it.  Grade:  B+

30 Rock:  30 Rock having enjoyed three consecutive wins for best comedy at the Emmy’s is showing an awfully uneven season.  Some highlights include Liz in HD, but rarely has any episode lived up to the magic of season 2.  Grade: B-

The Office:  Having an uneven season and bringing the funny way down has really changed the dynamics of this show.  Moments that should have been pure comedy gold like “Jim and Pam’s Wedding” were awfully painfully unfunny.  Hopefully the show will catch some steam and move in a different direction.  Grade:  B

Fringe:  Conspiracy theories and X-file like stories have made Fringe promising, but too many episodes have lagged this season and nothing has compared to the twist from last years finale.  Grade: C   

How I met your Mother:  Grade A funny has not stopped this show as it continuously brings back faith in the three camera sitcom.  Scene stealer Barney deserves a first Emmy win this year for sure.  Grade: A

Stargate Universe:  Playing with Stargate mythology and completely abandoning the style set by previous series.  This new supped up entry into the Stargate realm has more geek love and interwoven storylines.  Though it occasionally falls into Scifi of the week melodrama there are moments of brilliance in the solid cast.  Grade: B+

This is not a definitive list because there is a bunch of movies that I have not seen yet, but I hope to soon. This is my top 5 movies of 2009:

5)  Star Trek-  The re-visioning of a franchise gave some heft to Star Trek lore and gave JJ Abrams the title of geek master.   A cinematic feast for your techy geek loving heart.

4)  District 9- A distinct piece of work that looks at humanity in a way that feels all too real for a Scifi tale. 

3)  I love you man-  This movie teaches us that male bonding is a lot of work and that friendship can be hilarious.

2) Revolutionary Road- Incredibly bleak and sad truth about the lives that we live inside our minds.  Its two hours of constant grief, but at times evocative and mind numbingly interesting.

1) Let the right one in-  What is possibly the complete opposite of Twilight, this movie examines the important relationship that a person has to their soul.  It reinvents the vampire genre in a chillingly creepy ordinary setting.  Beautifully shot and written.

At 25 he's old and wishful thinking of getting off the ground doesn’t seem like much a priority anymore.  He looks out the window seeking both freedom and solace.  Though he wished he had a mirror ball to see what the future possibly had in store, he doesn’t really care to know.  “What is boredom?” he wonders.  Is it life in general only interesting when something out of the ordinary happens?  Not really sure what to make of everyday squabbles and memories that seem foggy- He takes another drink of some highly sugared tea mess of life affirming antioxidants and swamp water. 

He’s the kind of kid you probably see everyday walking down the street looking down and wearing what could be the least offensive uniform for a man.  He rocks dress shirts with rolled up sleeves and non-descript jeans that could be bought at any bargain bin.  He’s always day dreaming spending a good amount of an afternoon with his head in the clouds.  There isn’t much to be said, he rarely talks and slurs words when he does.  He feels uninteresting in the way everything feels uninteresting. 

Living a life in pop-culture syrup constantly bombarded with technology and on-going opinions.  He wonders why everyone has to have an opinion.   People are constantly talking.  Noise pollution must be on the rise.  Since they just proved global warming to be a fraud laden mess of cover ups and rich folk scum, he thinks that maybe “noise pollution” is the same.

He is willing to settle for modestly rich as high tech toys bring fun and having is more important than wanting.  This is what we are taught everyday watching commercials about things for things.  Buying is living.  Having something gives you definition.  You are what you have.  The commercials play all day and everyday. 

He is tired of looking in the mirror.  He wishes his house did not have any mirrors.  He wonders if sitting on the couch all day watching commercials while drinking yoohoo seems self indulgent.  He laughs because he knows that statement is stupid.

To Be Continued….         

So lately I’ve been wondering why there are so many haters on-line.  Who are these people who spend hours commenting on everything and anything.  They usually say inane stuff and rude jokes or are just plain ugly.  Do they do this because they think its “fun” to hate?  I feel bombarded by the internet and I hate how no one ever gives insightful comments about something important they may have read.  I’m not even sure people read anything anymore because all too often their comments seem to come out of nowhere.  Are they just a bunch of “haters”?  Who are these people?  Are they my friends?  I don’t even know people that go around posting on websites.  I rarely post comments on anything I read, so I wonder who are the haters and why do they do this.  Now very few peeps read my blog, but I’m talking about places where real commentary would be important to read.

The internet is an irrational place to put your hatred out there.  I mean if you want to talk about someone why not tell them directly.  Don’t make up names and post away ripping them apart.  It is very ugly, when life should be positive.  The balance between good and evil is too fragile.  Why don’t people look into themselves and find happiness in writing something decent, something that proves a point, or something that gives constructive criticism.

I’m just curios to why people hate on comment boards.  Why is it a big deal? or is it just something to do cause you are bored.

The Blog-o-sphere is meant with such cynicism, but really its the best way to get your feelings out there without becoming part of the internet haters club.

Give Happiness Today!

For the most modern hypercritical desk they have made the Pyramid Clock.  Both alluring and slightly doomsday affirming- it is a cool piece of design.  I have to give props to my mom who found this neat desk gadget.  It’s a clock with some style, though it does resemble something Pinhead could of designed.

The top consistently rotates as the second hand followed by the middle sections representing minutes and hours.  The base is your “base time” or the reader if you will.  This lovely piece of art only matched by the hourglass is sold at $15.00 from most high tech toy stores online.  So go ahead and indulge your desk…It’s had a rough year.   

Only one question remains. At what angles should the time markings be positions to appear vertical when viewed from the pyramid’s main meridian? LOL. 

In Mel Gibson’s last opus as director way back in 2006.  He decisively wrote and directed a movie that wasn’t something seen on film in the last twenty years.  In Apocalypto Gibson explores Mayan culture and brutality.  Through the eyes of “Jaguar Paw” he paints a picture of simplistic comforting family life and a metaphor for progress and civilization. 

Gibson poses the question: Does a civilization fall under its own greed and rot from the inside or do outside threats defeat any chance for hope?  Sadly he doesn’t exactly answer this question as much of the movie plays like a long cat and mouse game.  Though he tries giving possible and plausible examples to how it all ended.  It’s an action adventure film set against ritual and spiritual nature.   What he pulls from the actors is brilliant because they are so accessible in their “sameness”.   Life feels unthreatening in the village as Jaguar Paw builds a family and hunts with his father.  The guys play pranks on on other guys like “Sky” who eats bore testicles for laughs.  These everyday exchanges help build security and normality.  When the peaceful village is ravished by another tribe who occupy modern Mayan cities the movie takes a brutal and constantly frightening tone.  Mayans accepted death as a part of life…people who die get “travel well” sentiments and that's about it.  The culture in which they occupied was a class based hierarchy structure that reinforced the needs of only a privileged few.  These scenes are audaciously shot and uncompromising in their depiction of brutality against man.   Much like “Passion on the Christ” the blood and horrific murder doesn’t flinch once.   Subtitled, the movie is spoken in modern Yucatec with some liberties on what was possibly could have been spoken. 

As Jaguar Paw Rudy Youngblood is exceptional both daunting in stance and feeble within the presence of fear.  Many of the actors are native and bring the film to life giving it depth as Mel’s camera pans and zooms to each face.  Each giving a wonderful resonance of something unfamiliar and exciting.  There are various plot points that jump around and make little use of the Mayan culture as a whole, but this is really a story about family and the universal power that holds them together.  The scenes are shot exquisitely giving the natural surroundings depth and lyrical structure.  Waterfalls pour gracefully and life exudes a sense of exotic adventure.  Cinematographer Dean Semler does an impressive job framing each scene and tracking a long chase in the third act.  James Horner’s soundtrack is almost so seamless it seems less inspired than previous work.  It was not affecting, but merely existing. 

Overall Mel Gibson achieves a level of theatrically arresting history, but it merely speaks to the spectacle the movie could have been.  The deeper meaning behind society and how it affects family may have given the movie more resonance.             

Final MovieFix:  85%  Favorable.   It’s a must see in times when junk food pop filmmaking seems to be at its highest. 

This is my new blog feature: EC Find Design where I post cool things that I wish I could buy.  That sentence sounded sad when I read it out loud. lol. 

So lately I’ve taken out all of my old belt buckles and cuffs and starting wearing them again.  I’m really surprised that I stopped collecting them, but eh- I got bored and just moved on.  Now, I’ve been on etsy.com looking at all kinds of homemade gifts (mostly for Christmas) and I found some great cuffs from BeadSiam and they are truly unique and very cool.  Ultra hip and modern.  Here are a few of my favorite pieces: 

It’s a simple brown cuff with metal bracket front and screw tie back.  I think its a clean and understated piece.

I think this is like an urban hipster cuff. I own something similar to this already, but I lie the simple metal plate front.  Its a mans man piece…I think..lol.

Hopefully when I start working as a producing executive I can spruce up my wardrobe a bit, I still find great stuff, but everything feels a lot more expensive.  Who knows though, because material things come and go.

The globes are a good indicator who will go home with some Oscar love, so let’s see what made the cut and who was left out in the cold.

Best Picture, Drama
Avatar
The Hurt Locker
Inglourious Basterds
Precious
Up in the Air

WINNER:  Precious a truly deserving movie and critical favorite, even though ticket sales have been slumping in the last quarter. 

Best Picture, Musical/Comedy
500 Days of Summer
The Hangover
It’s Complicated
Julie & Julia
Nine

WINNER:  Nine, The globes love musicals and everything else on the list were huge successes, but critical love hasn’t found its way to most of them.

Best Actor, Drama
Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart
George Clooney, Up in the Air
Colin Firth, A Single Man
Morgan Freeman, Invictus
Tobey Maguire, Brothers

WINNER: George Clooney, in a role he was meant to play and an awards show favorite. The win will come easy.

Best Actress, Drama
Emily Blunt, The Young Victoria
Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side
Helen Mirren, The Last Station
Carey Mulligan, An Education
Gabourey Sidibe, Precious

WINNER: I think Sandra Bullock may come away with this win in what has been a great year for the box office favorite.  Underdog Sidibe may pull a Jennifer Hudson and win for a first role.

Best Actor, Musical/Comedy
Matt Damon, The Informant!
Daniel Day-Lewis, Nine
Robert Downey, Jr., Sherlock Holmes
Joseph Gordon-Levitt, 500 Days of Summer
Michael Stuhlbarg, A Serious Man

WINNER: Daniel Day-Lewis is almost a shoe in, but maybe Joseph Gordon-Levitt can sneak in for a well deserved win and upset.

Best Actress, Musical/Comedy
Sandra Bullock, The Proposal
Marion Cotillard, Nine
Julia Roberts, Duplicity
Meryl Streep, It’s Complicated
Meryl Streep, Julie & Julia

WINNER:  Meryl Streep may split votes, but her turn as Julia Child was in a word “perfect”- don’t expect the lagging dredge The Proposal to do Bullock any good. 

Best Supporting Actor
Matt Damon, Invictus
Woody Harrelson, The Messenger
Christopher Plummer, The Last Station
Stanley Tucci, The Lovely Bones
Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds

WINNER: Matt Damon will probably take the trophy for Invictus.

Best Supporting Actress
Penelope Cruz, Nine
Vera Farmiga, Up in the Air
Anna Kendrick, Up in the Air
Mo’Nique, Precious
Julianne Moore, A Single Man

WINNER: Mo’Niques turn in Precious is most heart wrenching and desperate. Perfect for awards show gold.

Best Director
Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker
James Cameron, Avatar
Clint Eastwood, Invictus
Jason Reitman, Up in the Air
Quentin Tarantino, Inglourious Basterds

WINNER: Kathryn Bigelow should win for The Hurt Locker a deeply powerful movie, but leave it up to Eastwood to take the win.

Best Screenplay
Neill Blomkamp & Terri Tatchell, District 9
Mark Boal, The Hurt Locker
Nancy Meyers, It’s Complicated
Quentin Tarantino, Inglourious Basterds
Jason Reitman & Sheldon Turner, Up in the Air

WINNER: District 9’s intense screenplay and unique concept should take the win, but Tarantino has an instant classic with Inglourious Basterds.

Best Score
Up
The Informant!
Avatar
A Single Man
Where the Wild Things Are

WINNER: The most moving movie Where the Wild Things Are.

Best Song
“Cinema Italiano,” Nine
“I Want to Come Home,” Everybody’s Fine
“I Will See You,” Avatar
“The Weary Kind,” Crazy Heart
“Winter,” Brothers

WINNER: Nine take the win!

Best Animated Film
Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs
Coraline
Fantastic Mr. Fox
The Princess & The Frog
Up

WINNER: UP has Pixar magic, but the Fantastic Mr. Fox deserves the win for a most original story.

Best Foreign Language Film
Baria
Broken Embraces
The Maid
A Prophet
The White Ribbon

WINNER: This is harder, I haven’t seen or heard of most of these.  I say awards show darling Pedro Almodovar’s Broken Embraces will take the win.

It struck me today that I haven't breathed and laughed like a kid in a long time when the most important thing for the day was getting to laugh and maybe an ice cream sandwich in the midst of a heat ridden summer.

I remember as a kid having the most active imagination of the world and thinking about so many questions and how they fit into this universe. I was so determine to find the interesting in everything and how life sort of just breathed. I want to breath now I want to feel the wind in my lungs and laugh so hard that my life just sort of glides. I guess in times of great pressure there comes a point in your thought process that makes you want to just forget it all. I have always wondered what is the point of the human existence. Is it more than just love or having a point of direction? I guess it should be so much more. I want it to mean something in my heart as well as my head.

I have to admit that many times I feel very selfish for complaining when so many others have no voice. I feel like I don't use the opportunities in my life to make a difference- Its very simple to talk these truths, but its more of a wide world epidemic to do something about it. I guess the fact that being something larger than yourself should be more important than letting yourself fall prey to the constant shortcomings in your mind. I want to feel the need is important. I'm going to help The problem is that my dreams almost outweigh the need to help. I want so much for myself, but I also want so much for others. I need to find a balance. I know that I do. I should really think about this more.

The world is complicated, but when does it matter more to feel the prosecuting affects of physiologically numbing over analysis? One can only wonder.

This song is from Lady Gaga aptly titled “Christmas Tree” for the Holidays.  Yeah, It won’t be an instant classic, but Its kind of hilarious.  I heard it on house party last night driving home.  Today was also my company Christmas party and I got a new grill! So I’m firing up some steaks, well, my co-workers think I might burn more than grill, so I also got a gift card to Applebee’s. LOL. 

I’ve finally finished all my Christmas shopping except for one last thing.  I enjoy the holidays.  I enjoy finding deals and I’m really great at searching every single thing until I get the best price for it I can find.  It’s more like a game and the thrill of victory is sweet. Tomorrow I’m holiday shopping for food which is a lot less fun or interesting. 

This was the Holiday Card of Nicholas as Santa for Work:

Nick actually did a good job sitting for his picture.  His eyes maybe saying “This is torture!”, but his smile is sayin he loves it.  He’s wearing a Santa suite…so I of course named him Santa Paws, yeah that is pretty dorky alright.

Well, Holiday 2009 is officially a go and that makes me happy.  X-mas is just 4 days away! 

I love the kick off of awards season.  You can still smell the high spirits and joy from nominated shows and the agony of snubs.  I love me some TV, so here are my choices for winners.  I most likely will be wrong, but these shows deserve it!

BEST TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA
Big Love (HBO)
Dexter (Showtime)
House (Fox)
Mad Men (AMC) – WINNER! While it had an off year, the show is simply amazing and an in-depth look at a society we have long forgotten.
True Blood (HBO) – SHOULD WIN! True Blood had a powerhouse year and its ratings continued to climb.

BEST TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
30 Rock (NBC)
Entourage (HBO)
Glee (FOX) – WINNER! The freshman drama has catapulted to star status and it just keeps getting better.
Modern Family (ABC) – SHOULD WIN! Quirky family life has never seemed so perfect.
The Office (NBC)

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA
Simon Baker, The Mentalist
Michael C. Hall, Dexter – WINNER! Dexter’s amazing run and shocking finale should hold Hall up all awards season.
Jon Hamm, Mad Men
Hugh Laurie, House – SHOULD WIN! This was an off year for House, but Hugh Laurie is long over due for a win!
Bill Paxton, Big Love

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES –
DRAMA
Glenn Close, Damages
January Jones, Mad Men – WINNER / SHOULD WIN- January Jones is pitch perfect as a depressed 1950’s housewife and when she found out the truth about Don the scene was stellar.
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
Anna Paquin, True Blood
Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES –
COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock WINNER! Awards shows love Alec Baldwin, but 30 Rocks rocky season may leave him out in the cold.
Steve Carell, The Office
David Duchovny, Californication
Thomas Jane, Hung
Matthew Morrison, Glee – SHOULD WIN! Simply a funny guy in a perfect show.  His dancing and rapping are hilarious.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES –
COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Toni Collette, United States of Tara – WINNER! Toni Collette is multi-talented and every bit deserving here for the win.
Courteney Cox, Cougar Town
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie
Tina Fey, 30 Rock – SHOULD WIN! An awards show favorite, but the life and tribulations of Liz Lemmon cannot be forgotten.
Lea Michele, Glee

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES,
MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Michael Emerson, Lost
Neil Patrick Harris, How I Met Your Mother – WINNER / SHOULD WIN! Lovable womanizer Barney needs a win after so many nominations.
William Hurt, Damages
John Lithgow, Dexter
Jeremy Piven, Entourage

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A
SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Jane Adams, Hung
Rose Byrne, Damages
Jane Lynch, Glee – WINNER / SHOULD WIN! Comedy MVP and scene stealer, Jane needs a trophy to cap off her amazing year.
Janet McTeer, Into the Storm
Chloe Sevigny, Big Love

BEST MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Georgia O’Keefe (Lifetime)
Grey Gardens (HBO) – WINNER! HBO had Two powerhouse performances come from this gem.
Into the Storm (HBO)
Little Dorrit (PBS)
Taking Chance (HBO)

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MINI-SERIES OR MOTION
PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Kevin Bacon, Taking Chance
Kenneth Branagh, Wallander: One Step Behind
Chiwetel Ejiofor, Endgame
Brendan Gleeson, Into the Storm – WINNER!
Jeremy Irons, Georgia O’Keefe

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MINI-SERIES OR MOTION
PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Joan Allen, Georgia O’Keefe
Drew Barrymore, Grey Gardens
Jessica Lange, Grey Gardens- WINNER / SHOULD WIN!- A top notch actress in a role she was born to play.
Anna Paquin, The Courageous Heart of Irena
Sendler
Sigourney Weaver, Prayers for Bobby

I found these images a while back and they are the best little comic book drawings I’ve seen in a long time. Sadly, I can’t remember the artist who drew them or anything about where I found them.  The Batman is my favorite, but those droids from Starwars are great too!  If you know who does this art please let me know!

Batman!

Spiderman!

Droids!

Superman!

In the moving film “Blindness” there is a sense that something larger was meant for this important work.  As a standard movie it meanders through various plots in an almost choppy hectic nature not too concerned with character developments or understanding why this “Blindness” is even happening.  It is a rough movie to watch in its general white washing and overlaying scenes, but at the same time it is a revelation on how human nature can destroy what it can’t understand.
People begin to go blind with no explanation and as panic spreads it also spreads starting with a well to do Chinese man who just goes blind driving his car down a crowded street.  The places are unimportant and the man doesn’t have a name, as an audience we don’t understand the point of removing familiar cinematic story “truths” as where, how, and why play an important part in our decisions to feel the content on screen.  The blindness spreads fear and naturally as our government panics the infected are moved to a type of concentration camp where they may be “contained”.  Morality plays a huge part in this tale, because we are meant to believe that family and togetherness equates itself to happiness.  If everyone were blind wouldn’t we work together to help one another?  Theoretically that would be true, but many people use fear as a weapon to undermine the abilities in others and justify actions that normally would be cruel.  In life, especially when it feels so bleak there is a general thought that light will always manage to separate the dark.  In this movie it’s not true because the blindness doesn’t throw you into a pit of darkness, but rather engulfs you in bright light as if “swimming in milk”.  Its the harsh burning of a florescent light against a white wall.  There is nothing there yet we fill that white void with thoughts and panic ensues.  What are these thoughts?  People are not born dark they are lead to this place in their heart because the world around us is thought to be dangerous and unforgiving.  Murder, rape, suffering, sadness, hunger, filth, greed… all these things evoke a sense of doom and hatred, but when these “things” become common due to the onslaught of crowd induced terror you begin to question your heart and the truth in all matters.  When our characters are brought to this camp they are made to live in very crowded wards with little food or clean facilities.  It doesn’t take long for a bright white room to be filled with filth.  The blindness affliction does not discriminate against color, sex, or status because it just “is” – the story asks of us to suspend any belief as whether it is a religious parable or dieses or chemical warfare.  Its not important. 
When a man gets a gun he then has the power.  You can control people when you have fear.  The man can not see as the others can not see, but that is unimportant because he is able to form a militia against others in his own camp.  People listen to fear, those who choose to fight it are then seeking the fear as their weapon.  Women must give there bodies in order to receive food and in return are treated immorally.  This is a morality tale after all and the choices people make really do justify the means or so they feel.  We know as we sit back and watch the debauchery that human suffering always leads to a numbness.  Are these people so numb because the blindness has affected them so greatly in numbers or are they so panicked that all reason is thrown out the window in order for survival to happen.  It is survival of the fittest and the saddest part of all is that no one understands that it never mattered to begin with.  Is it our true nature to panic and blame when a catastrophe occurs?  Are we merely pawns in a greater picture or does the now justify the survival of people who can just “make it”?  Blindness is our own ability to not see what is clearly in front of our very eyes.  

“Did the Blindness spread the panic or Did the panic spread the Blindness?”

I'm taking some time too...

So many people suffer with Aids and it has become a true world wide plague. The best way to find a cure is to keep hope alive. So many people think that it is easy to dismiss Aids when it doesn't effect them directly. Take some time to get tested if you need to, Life is too short not to.  I’m grateful that I watched the “Constant Gardner” – It has opened my mind.

Okay, so the video is beyond crazy and is stranger than anything I have ever seen on youtube. I'm not sure how I even found this video, but I think it just appeared on the homepage one day and instantly I was interested in finding out more about Mark Ryden. I mean the song creeps me out, but art is has always been...what we would call..um...strange? lol. See my other post on Mark Ryden under Webby-pop art!

 

 

This is a video that my teacher Mr. Luckey put together for our class demonstration.  I hope to get better at editing and hopefully work up to this level.  My projects seem to stay very linear, so this is cool.

Here are numbers 32-40 of the quintessential list of my life.  I’ve noticed a trend of having at least one or two people per list who have affected me in the film world, but there are other people closer to me that have also had a large impact and I will discuss some of them on this list. Lets kick things off with number 32.

32) Zazueta: The Birth name.

I came into this world named Eduardo Lopez Zazueta and I will leave it with the name Edward Alan Crowe. My original birth name will forever influence me because it ties me to another history in my life that I will never truly realize. Its the future that I never had and the family that I may never know.  I believe one finds great strength in a name and that its important no matter how you look at. I consider it one of our most basic influences, which makes me believe I've taken the right road.  I’m very proud to be a Crowe.

33) Joey Lester: A teaching maverick in the first half of my life.

I guess my first glimpse into theater happened at a small school in Crestview, Florida where I met an encouraging English teacher in Miss Lester. In four years she revived an entire theater department and guaranteed even after my absence that CHS would thrive with the cultural influence of theater. The process was a painstakingly long journey due to the schools uninterested nature in funding the program, but like all good gorilla theater we made it through. I'm proud of it and the people who were part of it, no matter what people said about it then or now. From it I met great people and more importantly LS1 and LS2 (Kara Lester, a beautiful soul who lead us greatly), who will forever be in my heart.

34) Laptop: Its the ingenuity of technology and progression that makes the internet so addictive.

Okay, so this list wouldn't even be available to all you great people if it wasn't for the internet. Its been a pretty amazing thing in my life- I find myself so much more culturally educated and able to talk to so many more people than I could have imagined. It has also sadly got me into blogging and checking entertainment-weekly as if my life depended on it, but alas how can you not love something that gets you quick results for typing Paris Hilton video and World news in the same day? Yes it maybe the most antisocial thing on the planet, but its also the best tool ever.

35) Tea: A comfort for both the body and soul.

There isn't a better feeling than drinking a calming cup of green honey tea with a shot of chamomile and vanilla. It regenerates the body and promotes a healthy life, which is good for all those stressful times. I drink it so much that I have tried almost every combination possible and in my book there is no bad way to serve it. I guess that the influence comes from having something in your life that can bring you down at the end of a hard day because its a harsh world out there and we all need a something for comfort.

36) Nicole Kidman: A woman who brings dignity to the screen.

What people consider quality acting is always up for debate, but I have seen a lot of movies and more foreign films than anybody could imagine. This aussie born actress is a marvel to behold in her dedication to character and that gorgeous film presence that in my book is unmatched. I have a lot of favorite actors that I look up too, but there are only a few that I see a passion for their craft in their work. Nicole presents in my mind a professional woman who taps those incredible feelings in an actor that are expressed with thought and skill. I wouldn't call her the greatest actress in the history of film, but an accomplished thespian of her art.

37) Film School: A dream.

I will never get a chance to go to film school.  I found film too late in my life and I’ve never really lived anywhere where it could be a viable option.  I didn’t know until my senior year in High school that I wanted to be a film producer.  I had worked really hard in my TV production class and it opened a world to me that had never been there.  Right now I’m at the point where what ever career field I choose will for the most part be the rest of my life.  I just wished I would have gone to film school.

38) Cry: Its a human emotion that brings out the complex nature in all of us.

Its sad to say how much I have actually cried in my life- sometimes for others and sometimes for myself, but my understanding of the human experience has always been through crying. Tears are emotional baggage that we have all carried. I couldn't imagine a hard time in my life where I didn't cry. I don't do it often, but when I do its important. I have cried watching people suffer in documentaries, I’ve cried when my parents divorced, I cried when I graduated High school and didn’t know where life would take me next.  Either tears of joy or sorrow, its important to remember that we all do it.

39) Yoga: Does the body good, but the spirit better.

I'm not sure what got me interested in yoga. I've only been doing it for about 4 years now and have found it the best source of peace in my life. Okay, so I’ve only done it at school and a few times on DVD. I have to really get back into it, because it always made me feel better. Life on the couch has just occupied my life lately.

40) Greece: A land of great history.

To tell you the truth I have no idea what it is about Greece that makes me want to visit, but I really do. I think its the mixture of a great history with the ruins still behind to enjoy. I really love the Greeks philosophy behind education, art, and life. The pictures I've seen are really awesome and it opens my mind to things much bigger that I'm used to. Now I know that there are plenty of other gorgeous spots on this earth, but for someone reason I'm thinking Greece at the moment.

Okay the list is only ten away from the half-way point and that's not bad. I guess tonight I was thinking a lot about the body and mind, but its interesting to see how it all has made sense to me one way or another.

So this evening I’m going to introduce numbers 21-31 on my list of influences in my life. The list so far has been a great compilation of people, ideas, and things that make up my world. Of course to reach that 100 mark there is a bit more to go, so here we go.

21) Modern Style: Nothing beats classical architecture with a mod touch.

I went to Flagler College in St. Augustine, Florida and it was astonishing to see the world class beauty of early design. I love how architecture much like a beautiful painting or a profound photograph can give you a since of appreciation for the thought and mastery that goes into building it. I could spend my life collecting books that have influenced people, since the idea of design and functionality was introduced. One of my favorites wish list places to visit would be Greece- With its exuberance in classical lines mixed with old world columns- It has really made me grateful that art can exist within the confines of brick and stone.

22) Stage: Life lessons learned in the limelight.

With its beautiful wood floors and curtains that drape it so eloquently, there is nothing that beats a theater stage. Its where the union of person and actor meet to form what sometimes can be considered the most perfect human emotional experience- Acting. I remember stepping out on my first stage of an empty theater and looking out to see hundreds of velvet red seats and a harsh blinding wash of white light. I felt like I belonged and better yet as if I belonged to something greater than myself. In my life my expectations of my talents have always been tested on a stage and whether for good or bad, I could not imagine myself anywhere else.

23) Angels in America: Its The mixture of great American theater and an iconic message that has kept me entranced.

If I could have only one favorite play in my life then it would be hands down Angels in America- In the words written by Tony Kushner, I have found a pure message of hope and need. Every time I revisit the great archetype characters in Joe, Pryor, and Harper- I feel a sense of deep sorrow and true love. It was first a very successful play and then a phenomenal HBO mini-series (cast pitch perfect) that has gone on to win countless awards. The themes of the script are engaging and deeply touching, while at the same time very provocative. I believe every person should be able to see this play in some form, because Its the enduring human spirit that ultimately brings us closer together.

24) Ipod: A dance machine.

Like every person I love music and now that I have my very own Ipod I hope to fill it to the max with music that has shaped me and made me feel better about rough days.  I listen to music every single day in one form or another.  I’m not a snob.  I will listen to and find something to love in any genre no matter what.  

25) Tom Hanks: The epitome of what an acting legend should be.

Yes, there is one man that I cant help but be completely in awe of. Its the one and only Tom Hanks- Its his ability to make characters come to life before your very eyes and how when you watch a performance it feels so genuine. his presence on screen is what makes him a legend. I have always found myself admiring actors and applauding their vision for characters, but when it comes to Tom Hanks its more about the style and not the celebrity.

26) Vanilla: A rich and invigorating smell that leaves one yearning for more.

Since was a small boy, there is only one thing I can truly remember making me so happy and that was the smell of Vanilla. I love everything about it from the smell to the taste and how a creamy shake makes your day a lot better. Okay, so it seems a little too deep to think of Vanilla as some kind of euphoric utopia of a mind-boggling rush to the senses, but hey it really is. You know you want a bite.

27) GQ magazine: What every modern man should know.

I can remember reading GQ magazine when I was 11 and understanding that a well educated man could be a sharp dresser with a sense of pride. Okay, so I will never be on the cover or in any page of GQ, but hey its supposed to be a little multi-lateral in this image obsessed society. Its a hip magazine with some nifty tips on being a put together man. I have always wanted to have pride in myself because I grew up knowing nothing and starting this world out filthy poor. So, maybe its more than just a magazine.

28) Care: Something that has some weight for the people who need it.

Care is an idea where nothing matters more than seeing people in trouble helped. I came from poverty and its one thing that I have noticed in this life- is that people stricken with hunger and pain do not believe in a future. I think that as a responsible adult we all have a responsibility to care for others in need. I’m not on a soapbox because I know that this world is tuff and its not perfect, but I refuse to believe that being an active helper is wrong. I want to do great things in this life, but I more importantly want to do great things for others in this life. God. Love. Respect. Care.

29) Texting: Bad habits unite!

Only within the past few months have I even started to text.  Now I can’t imagine life before texting.  I know its a bit dumb to think of texting as an influence, but life is so fast and crazy..It’s the only way to say “hello” sometimes.  I like to text to pass boring classes and there can’t be anything wrong with that. lol.

30) Daydreamer: Stick

Only my family will realize the meaning behind “Stick”, but Its something that I used to cope with the things I didn’t understand about life.  It was like a dreaming tool.  Something I could use to leave this world behind and just be completely immersed in something new.  It was my talking journal.  I had the ability to dream up worlds and be things I could never be here on earth.  I wish I were a kid again. 

31) The Beach: Water falls on the list again.

Only recently have I missed going to the beach and my only real excuse for not going was always that I had no time. Well, someday it’s going to be a large part of my time. I'm not sure what about it makes me so at peace, whether it be the crashing soulful waves or soft warm sand- but I feel so relaxed and all those insecurities in my mind just go away. I cant explain how it really makes me feel- just a happier man. I feel like all my thoughts could spill out of my head and tumble into that deep dark sea and I wouldn't miss any of them.

The total now stands at 31 influences and I feel very happy about this list and its direction. Its almost like dissecting the most basic principles of your history and seeing what adds up to make you, well- you. Some of these make me laugh, because they are so dopey- but what is true is true.

I once wished that there would be a time when I could look in the mirror and be happy with what I see.  For what has felt like a lifetime of ups and downs it is only now in this time where life seems to be taking shape.  It is once again the end of yet another semester of courses and long days and nights.  I had hoped that for everyday that passes and for every second that moves forward that I could feel a little bit better about the so called "Future".  Is it me or does life sort of make no sense at all- just a rapid spit fire of meeting people, finding things that feed are internal joy, and pondering the greater questions of existence and life.   Its almost as mundane as it is joyful.   It is as organized as it is random.  I really did one day wake up to view a world that had passed me by...both intellectually and spiritually.  I dream bigger than could ever be possible for any one person, but at the same time I try to make sense of it all…well, I try to be grounded in reality.  Feeling scared is a natural part of life, but I'm more worried about the things that I cannot see.  What has life meant so far?  I wish I could look back at everything and feel more like a person with a sense of accomplishment.  “Success is never the goal, but some how it can be the result.” I read that on a poster one day.  I don’t know if its true.

 

Continuing with the idea of this 100s list. I now will present 11-20 of concept, people, and things that have influenced my life.

11) Friends: Surrounding yourself with people that think like you and feel like you is a freeing feeling.

Friendship is a beautiful thing because true human connection is the very variable to which the human condition is centered around. I love my friends because each seem to represent something different in me. They also push for me to win my battles and are there when I cant. It is true that no man can truly be an island.You need people to bring laughter and hope into your life. That's why its so important. I really believe in the power of people- That's why I believe in my friends.

12) Music: A Pop allegory with a beat and killer hook.

To say that my music taste is eclectic is an understatement. There is so much about music that I love. Artist with a passion and talent carrying soulful tunes through the waves.  I love a beat with a strong hook and sadly have fallen for pop junk way too often, but anything that carries a good sound is definitely on my play list. I guess I spend about 4 hours a day on average listening- But don’t ask me the words to any song.

13) Chocolate chip mint ice-cream: A wonderful emerald colored confection of mint and chocolate.

I don't know how chocolate chip mint ice-cream influences, but it does. I think that some of my most fondest memories was eating ice-cream. Its almost the only food I can think that has given me so much joy in life and how wonderful is that. I have always loved the taste of really good food and when your feeling down, only this minty goodness can perk you right up. I guess if coffee influences me so can mint chip ice-cream-yum, where's a spoon?

14) Journals: A hint of your life captured in a few words.

Secretly I have always kept a journal.  I think for the last five years or so I have written everything in it.  Mostly Its how I feel or what event has shaken me to the core.  Writing lets me really focus my heart and mind.  How I feel about something really only makes sense once I’ve written it out.

15) Stanley Kubrick: Filmmaking marvel and a profound creator.

Have you ever seen a Stanley Kubrick movie? If the answer to that question is no, then you are missing out on one of histories greatest visionaries in the film medium. His voice and passion was unparallel to any filmmaker of his time. I remember first watching A Clockwork Orange- and from the very first frame was completely mesmerized. Its his ability to tell a story with such gritty naturalistic bombastic force that has given his art such impact. Its the unnerving terror felt in The Shining and the brilliance of his conjured nightmares for Full Metal Jacket that has put him on this list. 2001: a space odyssey is a ridiculously underrated work of science-fiction noir and his power to provoke a response from his audience hasn't been matched, only copied.

16) Black Shoes: A man with a good pair of shoes is no man at all.

I like shoes that are reliable and have a strong fashion focus. Its funny really how much shoes have affected how I feel about myself. One of the first things people notice about a man is his shoes. Apparently a book came out that categorized men by what type of shoes they wore. Is it true? Can my shoes say everything about my personality? Maybe. I don't know, but what I do know is that a pair of shiny black shoes with a hip look is all I ever want to wear.

17) Batman: The dark knight lives as a symbol of a hero and a torn identity.

I've never read the Batman comics or really watched the campy series, animated series, or movies- But there is something greater that I get from Batman. When I was around 11, I came up with the idea of a series that dealt with the cape crusader as more of a man torn between the identity of a hero and his familiarity with the complex lives that we all live. His arsenal of gadgets, the rockin car, and of course the bat cave were all in my concept- But there was also the intrapersonal dynamics of his life (Robin, Batgirl, Alfred) and his love (Catwoman). I spent years coming up with the idea and writing each episode until I came up with 161. Then I just stopped, because somewhere along the line I noticed that every hero needs myth as part of his arsenal.

18) Water: A metaphor for the essence of a flourishing thought.

So many things on this list have shaped me in one way or another. Its interesting though to think of water this way. I love the rain, I could listen to it for hours and its so peaceful and calming. I love the ocean because the waves have always crashed so dramatically as if a symphony is playing right before your eyes. Its also water that I've been around when challenging contemplative thoughts in my head- as I sat on benches and looked out to see endless oceans or calming lakes I never felt more at peace. Water is cleansing and pure and its good for you. it has influence.

19) Hope: A feeling of ambitious ingenuity in ones own heart.

For me hope keeps my dreams alive. I constantly hope for things, but I know that one must always take an active part in their life in order for things to get done. I believe in prayer, because it gives you the chance to feel very passionate and strong for people and causes on this earth. I hope for a world that is better and for myself to constantly live up to the challenges put in front of me. Its also prayer that helps me up when I stumble into depressive states of being. I'm not that interested in hope without action, though- because I have always believed that one charts his own destiny.

20) Photography: In an instant the image is captured and the feelings begin.

A photograph says so much and I love the way that a picture can speak to you. I respect whatever I take a picture of....Its in a moment in time frozen where the meaning can later take shape. Everything can be art with a photographers eye. I haven't been doing photography for long, but pictures move me because they seem to speak volumes about their subject. Its hard to look at photo and not wonder about why it was even taken? What provoked the artist to capture that image forever stored in its own time? I love how a good picture can make amazing conversation for hours.

The first twenty parts of this 100s list is now finished and I find myself wondering how each of these things fit into my life and how important each one really is to me. So far the list has been easy, but I know that later down the line that it will get harder to decipher all the things that have influenced me in my life. It feels ambitious, because some are so easy to point out, but when I think of them- I can think of twenty more to go with that. This is what makes me who I am....I guess.

 

These are the things in my life that have had meaning and importance no matter how unimportant they may seem.  In a few weeks I will reach a 100...and then look at the list as a whole.  Because ingenuity in art breeds self-awareness.  Things are not in any real order, just thinking about them one by one.

1) My Mother: She is strong willed. beautiful. Important. Unexpected.

Ah, yes a mother. There is no love like a mothers love in this life...its her steady hand and thoughtful caring that gives youth a chance to flourish. It is sometimes easy to forget that mothers are human and fault like many people do. I love my mother with all my heart and it is this notion where one begins to understand their beginnings and how it ultimately affects a future. I'm also lucky that my mom loves me more than the world itself.

2) United States of America: Freedom of a democracy leads to interesting ideals of the human spirit.

So the red, white, and blue mantra of freedom through ones own personal choices is a grand gesture. When I was first brought to this country I came from an extremely impoverished state where pain and suffering was around every corner. I now look at the U.S. as a type of allegoric symbol of hope and humanity. People have that power to make choices that can only be provided by democracy. I would not be the man that I am today without the ability to live in a country that allows me to thrive when I put forth the work and effort. Mexico is my homeland, but it is not what lives in my heart.

3) Spirituality: God as an ideal.

I am a very spiritual man, who loves and cares for others with the dignity that they deserve. I believe in being a good person ruled by morality and maybe not always religion. I don’t know a lot about church, actually people who practice it with an open heart- I find to be some of the most caring in this world. I have always believed in what it means to respect- Everything in life deserves respect, which in turn gives one hope and spirit. I do believe in God- I believe that these morals that I carry are because of him and prayer is an important part of understanding the battles in this life. I don't however believe that I must go to church every week, because understanding the message is more about the equality of mind and heart- rather than "I can do whatever I wish as long as I repent" - The power to make choice is the greatest knowledge one should carry. Love. God. Respect. Faith. Truth. Believe.

4) Film: Through visuals, art is born to achieve the imaginative success.

I love Film. To me films are a lush and grand gestures of art and storytelling like no other. On this list there will be individual people and movies that have set unparallel ideas in my mind about what a great filmmaking is and could be. As a genre, Movies have that power to transform your thoughts and take you on journeys that are incredible- at the same time there are good and bad pictures to debate over and the success of the medium is what every single person gets from it. "Life as a moving image"

5) TV Guide: The On-line magazine for a pop-culture phenomenon.

Okay, so you may wonder how TV guide has influenced me. Its simple actually: I've always been interested in what educated individuals think abut the entertainment business and how things in a pop matters obsessed world come to be. Critics if you will: We are all a critic of something in our lives. I like to read the guide, because for one I've been doing it for about 10 years and two one can never get too much water cooler conversation the next day.

6) Family: Love.

I love my Family. Its a simple statement because not out of necessity do they have to be there, but more importantly because they care enough to know you. Family is a different word for everybody, but for me its the knowledge of having people who want to see you succeed in your life. The bond of the human experience is in a Family, its a beautiful idea because no person can fight through this world alone.

7) Starbucks: The love of a frappuccino  from a world-wide conglomerate.

For me there is nothing better than a flavorful cup of coffee. Its the bases of a little pleasure in life. I love it all pretty much:  There is a major plus if it has whipped cream and a shot of espresso and a delightful aroma of a freshly brewed confection...Its almost like heaven. I could drink flavored cappuccinos until I was so wired I could dance for 8 hours straight. Yes, paying 5.00 for a tall skim-milk vanilla mocha frapp. With two shots of espresso and topped with light cream is slightly drastic... but its also pleasure in a glass.   What's not to love?

8) Collard button down dress shirt: Affordable luxury with a classic look.

Does the look make the man? I'm not sure, but I know that wearing a fitted Kenneth Cole button down is a look that I love. Its masculine without being too forward Its that understated look that’s sharp in a suit.... But, when worn with jeans is classically cool. There is much to be said for elegance.

9) Salvador Dali: Artistic visionary of imaginative heights.

The word artist isn't enough to write about this man, visionary is. Looking at a Dali painting is almost like a metaphorical journey through the expansive idea-logicality of the minds pension for meaning and life. They are beautiful, not because of picture, but more because of a feeling. There is thought and feeling in his work. Something that show expression without pandering to logical incentives such as a metaphorical je ne sais quoi.  Its a powerful feeling looking at his work and knowing that it speaks to you, without saying a word.

10) TV: The black box with an agenda.

So to me Television is a medium where entertainment crosses with high end business deals and good stories. Most of us crave good TV, because of its addictive nature and more importantly its subversive world.  I really love the rush of a good story line and caring for a character week after week is increasingly a difficult task. It was one of the first devices to connect people and to help spread ideas. All this and now they can hang on your wall too!

 

Okay. So this is the first ten on the list of influences in my life: sure there are frivolous items mixed in with meaningful people, but isn't that what life is about? Life is everything you do and care about its astonishing really, how it all formulates and melts into each other. Because these things make you who you are. The list will continue later... I encourage everybody to make a list like this, because it can be more revealing than you think.  Only 90 more to go!

I don’t know how I feel about the rainstorm outside my window.  The rain falls against the glass, streaming down the panes slowly.  There is no sound, there is no light.  I think about the clouds, they are dark and distant.  I look out the window against the darkness, against the grey skies.  I wonder if I can walk outside again.  I wonder why the room is so dark.  My hand moves across the wall and it feels rough the paint having peeled off.  I smell a sourness the air is thick and it hurts my lungs to breath.   I see a door on the other side of the room. I want to open it, but I’m afraid.  The doorknob is gold. The door is white. The room is red. There is no light. I wonder why I can’t go outside.  I look outside and see the rain falling harder. I’m afraid to open the door, but there is no air in this room.  I open the door. I walk outside.  I no longer feel afraid. I see the light. I see white. I see grey. I can’t hear the rain, I can’t smell the rain.  The air is still thick. I’m not sure where I am. The voices are distant.

-Wake Up

Taken:  1990. 

  Time is flying by and I’m already thinking about my fall schedule.  Last week I signed up for my classes and started to look into internships and what I need to get a great one after school.  Like most people I worry about being good enough to be given a chance when the odds are against you.  I don’t know if I can make it in the field I want, but I’m trying to round out my education to give myself a good chance.  I’m ready to go anywhere and do anything so that I can have the types of life experiences that make you a better person.  I want to be “successful” whatever that means.  I’m not really sure how its all going to turn out and that my friends is scary.  I guess its the same for everyone, but you try to bring something new into your life because you find it a “passion”.  Is life only boring because we allow it to be? 

The New Schedule:

• Website Design:  I’m really excited about this class because I have people ask me all the time if I could build some kind of site for them and even though I have my crude methods it would be awesome to be able to run a business on-line.
• Advertising and Marketing:  Okay so this class might be a little bit boring. I have no idea, but I’m sure I won’t be actually making advertisements as much as just learning how it impacts business. snore.
• Media Writing I:  I don’t have much media writing skills, but I can write a decent term paper.  I hope there is a bit of creative writing here because I could use some!
• Non-Linear editing:  My only TV course for the semester should be a blast.  Editing in general is pretty exciting, but I must say that learning better skills is really what I want to learn.  I hope its an original filming class.    

In the ambitious dramatic parable “Doubt” the movie raises many questions about certainty in a time of great uncertainty.  Based on a four character play the script deals with the accusation of an inappropriate relationship a priest has with a 12-year old boy.  Doubt," John Patrick Shanley's award-winning play about a nun, a priest, and the unseemly accusation that puts them at each other's throats, has been reimagined as a more cinematic truth.  Controversy in a catholic school swirls around every scene diligently giving close ups to Philip Seymour Hoffman and Meryl Streep.  We are in a Bronx Catholic school in 1964, where Sister Aloysius, as principal, runs the operation with a proverbial iron fist. She's trying to instill vigilance in Sister James (Amy Adams), her hopelessly kind youngest teacher.  These characters serve as archetypes of our own moral code in a belief we have to “know” the truth.  Certainty can be our greatest enemy when we only have our instinct to decipher deceptions.  At the heart of “Doubt” there is no answer that will satisfy anyone because the damage has already been done. Our minds can play tricks on us when we believe without a doubt that the truth is clear.  No one in the movie sees what happens between the boy and the priest, but our feelings overwhelm our lack of evidence to arrive to a conclusion of guilt.  For many people their fear is their moral compass to which all infringements of righteousness must be acted upon.  Faith does not create doubt because it oppresses the feeling of insecurity with an over whelming sense of punishment by law. Good people give off good vibes because they are decent human beings believing in truth of faith.  That statement seems to be the ideal of poor Sister James because she is the lamb caught between two hungry wolves with their own agendas.  Sister Aloysius shows no mercy in bringing down her evil because she has no doubt in its plaguing lies.  Doubt will resonate with you long after the movie is over because there is uncertainty at its own heart.  We do our best to resolve the story as it were and once you realize that you are in the belly of the beast only your true affirmation in one’s own belief will set you free.              

“The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” is a cinematic masterpiece in which David Fincher paints a portrait of love and time.  Life is filled with moments that both enthrall and bore us, but love fills our hearts with memories that outlast many of our thoughts.  Its more than just a feeling and certainly molds us into the people we ultimately end up becoming.  Our heart portrays love as art and that beauty is always slightly ugly because it is so real.   This movie is a variation on Love in many ways- From lost love, new love, never-ending love.  The array of emotions that we feel, never truly feel complete without love.  I have spent time trying to understand the importance of love and how it connects us yet at times also separates us.  If life were like a fable in which fantasy delivered us meaning then love would be something that was magical because we could not see it.  It isn’t something tangible that you can grasp or hold close to you; yet you know exactly what it is when you feel it.  Our soul must be the carrier of our love which it can only keep locked in a small glass box because it is easily stolen or broken to which it is up to us to take care of it.  Realistically meaning defines our choices in life because we understand that logic rules our theories of why we are here.  Right where you stand now is where you are at.  At its most simple life is common sense because it is instinct.  Love is neither common sense or instinct, its something beyond what we can comprehend.  Time is our greatest enemy because it steals from us the moments that mean the most, but it also relieves our heartache from past events.  I’m older not because of choice and that maybe a reason why life feels so fragile.  In the movie Benjamin ages in reverse first starting life as a very old man nearly on his death bed and by the end he is but an infant catching his last breath.  In the span of his life he will love many and lose many as people do, but his sadness to not grow old is his personal fate.  As I age slowly older everyday I think about the impact that I’m supposed to have on this earth and whether it will be minimal or profound.  There is no way of knowing at this point because I don’t know my fate.  Life is grand as people move about their daily life making decisions that impact them and others. I feel that love is the same way, that it ripples out from you and touches everyone around you.  That need that we have to be wanted and needed is universal in its affliction.  I don’t think that your soul ever deteriorates, but I do believe that it changes as you evolve and it learns from your feelings the importance of thought and meaning.  We evoke passion from our education as well as hope and fear.  These things shape us and our knowledge of love grows because of it.  You may always have love, but the meaning can change over time due to our understanding of it.  The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is a surreal fantasy on life beyond fate and realism.  Love is what binds our heart to our souls and that no matter how you live that it will always teach you the importance of a greater life.